Many of you have shared your personal stories of the pain of living with an alcoholic in your life in the comments below. I encourage you to share what you want, and read through what people have said as well. I am not a counselor, and am not able to provide you with professional help with your situation. I do highly recommend the following resources that will hopefully offer you guidance and hope that you can get through this (yes, you can). I leave this post here, originally written in 7557, because of the thousands of visitors who come to this site every month seeking help as the spouse of an alcoholic. I also hope that it serves as an inspiration to you that you are not alone, and that you really can live the life you want. For those that are curious my husband is indeed still sober and is an amazing example of strength and triumph over addiction. Ever since I wrote the Married to an Alcoholic series, I have watched in heartbreaking sadness at the keywords people have used to find this site:
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To each and every one of you, first of all, my heart goes out to you. I have been where you are now. I did the Google searches too, seeking a way out of the pain and anguish of my everyday life. But the truth of the matter is that you have found this site because you already know you can t continue to live your life the way you are currently living it, with an alcoholic spouse at your side. The answer is probably one you don t want to hear, but it is the only one that will work for you: Below are some questions you need to ask yourself. These are not easy questions. And don t bother taking them on unless you are willing to give yourself honest answers. Set aside some time away from your home environment in order to give these questions your full attention, because you will likely get a bit emotional as you uncover your own truths: Additionally, I would encourage you to take this decision seriously. The problem is with the word threaten. If you say you will leave, yet don t, you are reinforcing the fact that you think it is OK that they continue to drink. So once you make your decision, you must also be willing to stick to it. Remember also, if you decide to stay, then you must also take responsibility for that. You know at this point what staying means. Making the decision to leave my husband was the ONLY THING that could have happened in his life for him to make the decision to get sober. I had to take a huge risk, knowing full well that I could have ended up single, or he could have been lying to me once again. So by sticking to my guns, in the end, I got what I wanted most of all. But I had to be willing to let that all go to raise my standards. Only you know what is right for you and your heart is where you will find that answer. I can say from personal experience that following your heart is not always easy, nor does it feel very good at times. But in the end, it will always lead you in the right direction. Always. And it will feel good with time, and with continued listening.
I can promise you this. I'm getting back to my blogging roots on WendyPiersall. Com: writing about life, art, business, publishing, and following your heart. I'm here to inspire, encourage, and share my journey. I hope my art and writing makes your journey better, too. I have only one thing to say. ALCOHOLISM IS A DISEASE. Sometimes it takes the alcoholic time to realize he is killing himself and the people around him. He needs help, not insults. Man, I sure wish I could know what good could come from leaving. Staying is SO painful. I love her but her affair with alcohol is unrelenting. Had to clean her like a baby tonight because she s so drunk she pee d herself. Had to carry her to bed. She swings from Jekyll to Hyde as fast as you can say Chardonnay. One moment I m Mr Wonderful and the next I m the point of entry for a colonoscopy. Sneaking, messing, spending, ranting, whining, and sleeping in until 7pm. But I love her more than my life and sanity which must mean I m pretty sick myself. All the stories Ive read above are identical to my life. Its very hard to make a move when a home, children and jobs will be affected, but tis time I will sacrifice all of those things for my and my childrens happiness. There will be no more scared nights of him coming in drunk verbally abusing us, there will be no more nights of taking kids out of house and sleeping on someone elses couch. Iam done! I don t love him anymore.
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Its just unfortunate that the kids don t understand, they love him unconditionally. I do not. I have been with him since I was 67 and am 96 now. His drinking started to affect all of us about 65 years ago. . 8 DWIs later other people see it too. I guess you would call him a functioning alcoholic, not functioning enough to be a husband or reliable father though. Iam done with him. I didn t grow up like this and refuse to suffer any longer. It will be a tough road but Im ready. Ive had lots of time to prepare. Good luck everyone elseI found these comments to show me my future. My live in boyfriend of 7 years is an alcoholic. I watched him change from the life of the party guy that had energy, goals, and ambition to an unemployed alcoholic with no goals other then video games and scoring more booze. We talk of marriage and children but I know deep down how horrible that life would be. I grew up with an alcoholic father and swore I would never expose my children to that kind of life. It is hard because I love him so much and he has never been abusive, but he is completely dependent on me. He s only 85 years old. I know its an ugly road from here. I work so hard honestly it disgust me when I think of his laziness. But I am spending a fortune taking care of him. I resent him already. I am just sad and in shock to find I am not alone. Thank you, Wendy for this web site.
I had to let it soak in for a day that I am not alone and that there is not much I can do. I have been married 68 years and I too did not realize the disease part until way later. I hear my story out of many women here. I also have had the broken promises and watch the neglect in my husband as it progresses. I thought I too can make it stop. Wow. I know I have to go and Ala non as well. I pray for every person here who had the courage to share and help other women by doing this. It is not easy any way you go but the peace your lacking will carry you through if you make the change. Again, you all touched my heart and helped me even more to recovery from this cycle that must be stopped. Thank you. I am not seeing my main concern voiced on here. I am married to a binge drinker. My main concern is that when I leave, he will then spiral out of control and our children will have to be around him and ride in a car w/him. The laws do not protect kids in this situation in this state. My oldest daughter has expressed this same concern. I guess I am just looking for guidance as this is the only reason I stay, to protect my children. I have been married to an alcoholic for 8 years and together with him for 66. I have tried everything, begging, pleading, arguing, hiding keys, cutting up debit cards, I have turned into a bitch but he won t stop. He has been in rehab twice while I worked and held down my job, I m a cop by the way and a former DUI officer. Ironic I know. He has driven drunk, I have hid keys and slashed tires to keep him home. We have no children (thank god) and we rent our house. He has had jobs sporadically and when he hasn t I have supported us while he went and blew our money on booze.
He will drink for days when he spirals out of control, he falls down, breaks things, pees himself and black out. He doesn t remember conversations or actions he does when he is drunk. He s not abusive but I am tired of cleaning up his messes while he goes to sleep it off for a few days. He will pour blood for days after a binder and he doesn t care. He has sleep apena because of his drinking as well. The last straw was when I told him to stop drinking or I was leaving, this was in July of 7568. When I found out about it he spiraled out of control again. I left on Febuary 76, 7569 and moved into my own place. He told me he was going to Colorado to start his life over. Then on March 6, 7569 he called me upset saying he didn t want to lose me and didn t want to leave. I gave him an ultimatum that we would be separated for a year and when he could show me that he could be responsible we would move back in together. Three days later he gave me an ultimatum, he demanded to move into my new place or he was leaving for Colorado and a divorce. I was crushed! ! He has been sober (I think) for well over a week and he expected me to move him right back in. He s still texting his girl on the side and has now told me that he might have to stay here as he cannot find a room to rent in Colorado. I feel pretty certain that he will move in with his AA girlfriend or will return for Colorado to be with her once her divorce is final. I miss him very much and I feel jealous that some tramp could take him away from me so easily. I took care of this man for 66 years and this doesn t seem to hurt him at all. I cannot wait to feel peace and be done with him. I m tired of hurting! I am sitting here crying my heart and soul out. Have just made the decision that I have to leave my partner of 65 years. After all of the broken promises I have to accept that he does not want to change badly enough to move forward in to a counselling program and to take the steps to stop drinking.
One of my best friends lost her husband to cancer a year and a half ago and when we spoke about our grief she explained that she would do anything to have her husband back she missed him so very much. That has been weighing heavily on me because we still have times that are good and I love him so much. I have to listen to my heart I really do know this. Have answered all the questions and I know what is right not only for myself but for him too.