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Q: My girlfriend and I are Christians but we are sexually active. We know we are in the wrong and that God s teaching tells us to be pure and wait till we are married. What makes matters worse is that I am currently four hours away at school and every time we see each after being apart a week or two (even when we have had full intentions of not being sexual) we end up falling into our old habits. I have your book but was wondering what would be the best way to get out of this cycle and get right with God? A: First of all, I m thankful that this couple is concerned about it. In today s world, many couples are not concerned about it.

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They are just simply having sex with each other every time they get together, and that’s the central part of their lives. They’re not married, don’t know if they’ll ever get married, and are just enjoying each other’s bodies. Most people who live together before they get married don’t get married and those who do have a higher divorce rate. I think I would say two things. You’ve already agreed that this is not the biblical pattern and thus is not a healthy pattern. Now you have to find a way to break that pattern. That’s why I think God reserved them for marriage. Sex was designed to be a deep bonding experience between a husband and wife. What you’re experiencing is that deep bonding between the two of you even though you’re not married. Consequently, you’re drawn back together. The key is that you don’t allow yourself to be together in a sitting where you’re alone or private because if that happens, you’re very likely to be back in the same routine. The longer you can go without being involved sexually, the easier it will become for you, because you’ll be finding pleasure in getting to know each other and discussing life with each other. You mentioned you had my book I’m assuming you re talking about. I think to work through that book would make wonderful dating experiences for you. The more you get to know each other apart from sexual activity, the more you’ll be able to make a wise decision to marry or not to marry. Gary Chapman, PhD, is the author of the bestselling 5 Love Languages® series, which has sold more than 8 million worldwide and has been translated into over 95 languages. He lives in North Carolina with his wife, Karolyn. For more information visit 5lovelanguages. Com. Hoping and praying that this answer would help prevent many others from falling into sin. I have exactly the same problem with my girlfriend but we haven t had sex and i hope we don t. I can control myself but every time we kiss too much it leads into a next thing and she gets really turned on and all hell breaks loose. I want to find a way to break that habit out of her. PS. She said so not me.

I would actually strongly advise that you guys don t kiss if it is what keeps getting you two into trouble. In marriage, when kissing, sex and the whole shabang are allowed, you will need other wholesome ways to keep things interesting. Kissing should not be the glue that keeps you both together and interested, especially when it is leading you into dangerous territory. I wish you God s guidance and courage in sorting this out with her. Pray! ! Hi all this in response to Techie, if I might give you a few pointers. I think you really need to talk with your girlfriend and tell her how you feel. If no kissing and sex is a deal breaker now, what will happen when your married and the sex slows down and you two are busy with work and the life routine and too tired to be affectionate or to make love? I only say this because most marriage go through a no sex period of time. The fact that you have said that if you dont kiss or no sexual touching is a problem, that worries me. Communication is key. Just my opinionTo stay sexually pure, a dating couples need to a) set firm, biblical boundaries, b) cultivate their spiritual walk with Christ, and c) build accountability into their lives. I guess for most, the accountability part is where it is really difficult, but it is highly invaluable. Sometimes, individuals made themselves accountable to individuals. We have been together for four years and have been sexually active for about three. However we always fall into the same sinful behavior. As the wedding gets closer we struggle even more. I want God to bless out marriage, but we can t seem to get past this stumbling block. Any advice you could give would be a blessingYou re marriage will undoubtedly be cursed and not blessed by God (Deuteronomy 85: 69, Deuteronomy 66: 76 etc). I am also engaged and my fiance and I have struggled. I m thankful to say that we haven t had intercourse, but we ve struggled. I want to encourage you that you will be blessed in your marriage as you and your man continually seek God and his forgiveness.

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It is something that I struggle with too. I worry that because we have compromised on some issues that maybe God won t be there with us or bless us. The beauty of Christ is that he takes our messes and fixes them up. We can t get cocky and believe we can do it on our own. Be prepared that the devil is going to condemn you and remind you how you have sinned and fallen short, but remember how much God loves you! When you feel down, look up! Look at what Jesus has done for us! Jesus is full of grace- but know that there will be consequences for what we have done. Believe me, I am sure there are things that I will learn because of my sin too. Take your last two months as a chance for you and your man to come humbly before Jesus and seek him. Do everything you can to choose holiness. It s going to hurt. It s going to be hard. It s going to be tempting to just hang out alone. I wish you both a strong marriage, and God promises that a cord of 8 strands is not easily broken: you, your man, and Jesus and in all things- trust the Lord with all your heart, all your mind, and all your strength. I totally agree with u. . Regardless of what sin we ve committed, God is there and actually very ready to embrace and forgive u. Your marriage is blessed even now so ignore anything or anyone that tries to make you feel guilty. Also, what parts of the Bible do Christians totally ignore? And of course it s pressure to ask, as you d be pressuring her to sin against God. What are you going to say next, that you don t believe that Jesus will keep murderers, drunkards, adulterers or homosexuals out of heaven? I understand your questions about sex. I think the issue with premarital sex isn t just to deny us pleasure and physical love with someone.

He is promising satisfying love and freedom of expression for just one person. Our God is a very intimate God and he demands our all. He died to have all of you, not just part of you. I am sorry about your previous marriage I really am. Living together before marriage is like playing house. Couples live together waiting until someone messes up then they can leave. Marriage is a commitment to love one another no matter what. I know that probably seems null and void because of what happened in your life. We are his bride and he loves us despite our problems. He loves us even though we cheat on him and forget about him. He loves us even though we spend time doing other things than being with him. He is a lover. He stays with us through all things. His passionate commitment to us should be our model for marriage. Humans are broken and we do hurtful things. We break promises, but Jesus doesn t. If you read Song of Songs (which is very sexual. It doesn t seem that way because of fruit references, but if you read it with a dirty mind it totally works), you ll see how Solomon rejoices with his wife (despite the fact he had 6,555 women: wives and concubines combined). They celebrate sex as a gift only for them. God made sex to be his wedding present. It s two people becoming one. I can t tell you a whole lot because I have not had sex. My fiance and I are waiting. I have had to battle the, why can t we have sex before marriage?

Because of the temptation and feelings in my life. Many of my friends justify it and they give me sex advice. I encourage you to go to God and talk to him about it. Let him tell you sex s purpose. Let him guide you. Nope, you re wrong. You can try to justify your sinful behavior all you want, but Jesus crucifixion doesn t give you a free license to sin. Like it or not, the Bible states that if you do not repent and turn away from your wickedness (and blatant disobedience against God), you CAN lose your salvation. I suggest you re-read your Bible. While the Bible makes it very clear that sex outside of marriage is wrong you cannot lose your salvation if you sin the Bible is also very clear about that in fact that is very strange thinking. There is a very good chance that you will screw-up once in your lifetime you will still be saved. I want to live a life without sin. I am not saying I can do this on my own, but with GOD S help we all can live without sin! I am so glad that JESUS saved and sanctified me, and can keep me clean and pure, I just want and need to trust in HIM! 🙂 You can live a life without sin through GOD! If you do sin just ask forgiveness and continue on for GOD, do not give up! Have faith and trust in GOD. JESUS Saves: ) GOD Bless! I think CB that you are forgetting the rest of Ephesians 5. Right after Ephesians 5: 5, Paul talks about how now we are children of light we were once in darkness but through Jesus s death we are forgiven. As Christians, we still sin, but! It is the grace of God that allows us into heaven. You are correct in that Paul also talks about how we are not to use our freedom to indulge in sinful pleasures.

That is true. Sinful nature however extends beyond sexual sins. It includes pride, haughtiness, religious piety, hatred, lying, drunkenness, and many others. It is possible that you are forgetting the absolute amazingness of grace.

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