Sarah grew up in Monterey, CA and now lives in Los Angeles. When she's not writing, you can find her enjoying a good book, fine wine, sunflowers and long walks on the beach. But the fact of the matter is, Dr. Chapman's offering just might be more than another useless, cheesy self-help book. He actually helps to break down and decode the different ways in which people communicate with their partners, so we can finally take the mystery out of what our significant other really wants and expects from us. So what exactly are these languages he speaks of? According to Dr. Chapman, there are five universal ways that all people express and interpret love.
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Through his more than 85 years of couples counseling, Dr. Chapman has noticed specific patterns in the way partners communicate and it turns out that most of the population express and interpret love in the same five ways, according to his observations. These expressions and interpretations are his famous five love languages. Dr. Chapman firmly believes that each person has one primary and one secondary love language (you can to determine what your personal love languages are), and he theorizes people tend to give love in the way they prefer to receive love.
But by understanding our partners' inherent love language, we can start to tear down walls in our romantic lives. According to Dr. Chapman, this language uses words to affirm other people. For those who prefer the words of affirmation language, hearing I love you and other compliments are what they value the most. Words hold real value within this language.
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Furthermore, negative or insulting comments cut deep and won't be easily forgiven. This language is all about giving the other person your undivided attention. Unlike the words of affirmation language, talk is cheap and being a loved one's main focus leaves quality timers feeling satisfied and comforted. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful to these individuals. Being there for them is crucial.
Dr. Chapman says for some people, what makes them feel most loved is to receive a tangible gift. This doesn't necessarily mean the person is materialistic, but a meaningful or thoughtful present it was makes them feel appreciated. For these people, actions speak louder than words. People who speak the language of service want their partner to recognize that their life is rough and help them out in any way possible.
Lending a helping hand shows you really care. People who thrive on this language do not deal well with broken promises or perceived laziness and have very little tolerance for people who make more work for them. Basically, if you're not willing to show your appreciation by doing them a favor, you're saying you don't value them. To this person, nothing speaks more deeply than appropriate touch. That doesn't mean only in the bedroom everyday physical connections, like handholding, kissing, or any type of re-affirming physical contact is greatly appreciated.
A person who speaks the language of physical touch isn't necessarily an over-the-top PDAer, but getting a little touchy-feely does make them feel safe and loved. Any instance of physical abuse is a total deal breaker.