This is something I asked my followers a little while ago, with varying responses. Some prefer it because it allows them to shine through written communication. Others hate it for the very same reason – too much writing, and not enough action. I recently reactivated my Plenty of Fish account after years of letting it sit dormant. I turned my nose up at online dating after a brief stint trying it out in 7559. Since then, I have discovered how easy it can be to find a date in the real world. A couple of years ago, I vowed that I would accept a date with anyone (provided I didn’t feel utterly repulsed or in danger) and have since gone on countless dates with many high quality gentlemen. So, why bother with online dating?
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Well, if we’re being honest, it has a little to do with laziness and a lot to do with curiosity. I wanted to see for myself if online dating would really work for introverts. And, since I’ve been going through an phase lately, I enjoyed that it didn’t involve actually leaving the house. Not yet, anyway. Women on POF typically receive a lot more messages than men. My inbox was quickly flooded with greetings from men who have profile pictures of them posing next to a giant fish, or flexing their bare abs in front of the bathroom mirror. I even received a solicitation for a “lucrative opportunity”. Yikes. The dating site that you choose is extremely important as it has a major impact on your chances of success. You should always spend a little time researching and find detailed reviews, like. Leverage the time of experience of others so you can be as successful as possible dating online. Of course, there were a few decent prospects. But the instant messaging tango is not a dance I enjoy. Most introverts express themselves better in writing than in-person conversation. I am no different. That is, until it comes to making small talk over the Internet. This is quite possibly even more dreadful than engaging in real life fluffy banter. It takes longer, but still gets you nowhere. Plus, you can’t even see the person’s facial expression. You’re having a conversation with a picture of this guy and his adorable dog that was probably taken five years ago. Can this really be better than just going out and roughing it in the real world of dating? After exchanging a couple of pleasantries with one man, he sent me a lovely message saying that he enjoyed my blog and it has helped him understand and.
Hmm, that’s nice, but … how the heck do you know about my blog? ! I’m not that Internet famous (as much as I wish it were so). Did we know each other? Were we long lost Facebook friends? Had I (gasp) already dated him the last time I was on POF five years ago. Sadly, I think I scared him off with my obsessive prodding about how he found my website. Sorry, StarGazer99 wherever you are. I guess it wasn’t meant to be. POF has this “Top Prospect” feature which shows you your super ultra match. Three of my top prospects were men I already knew, one of whom I had actually dated for a couple of months. Most of the other men could not write beyond a 6th grade level. So, again I must ask …. Can this really be better than just going out and roughing it in the real world of dating! ? Having said all of that, I haven’t actually gone on any dates yet. I’m still in the annoyingly ambiguous territory of making small talk through POFs instant messaging app. I’m losing patience! But I will press forth, if for no other reason than to find amusing fodder for my blog posts (just kidding, I’m taking this very seriously … sort of). I’ll keep you posted. In the meantime, I’d love to hear about your innie online dating experiences. What say you on the matter?
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I’d love to hear from you! I met my wife at work. I found out about her from a mutual friend who acted as our liaison. Thanks for sharing your experience with this, Alan! Glad you managed to find someone the old-fashioned way. 😉I’ve been on Match for almost 6 months now, and I have to say, I’m overall disappointed. Even so, I can’t totally blame the site I’m just not able to find anyone I’m interested in enough to contact, and the few I have contacted never sent anything back. I find that I nitpick at profiles, which may be my introvert side’s way of keeping me in the house! I don’t blame you, Jim. There are a lot of terrible profiles on online dating sites. Hi Michaela, Being male, divorced at 55 and an introvert seems to be, from my experience, the kiss of death in terms of women. I was never into ‘dating’ when in my teens and 75s so the very thought is daunting in the first place. I thought online dating may be an answer. Wrong. I’ve experimented with OKCupid, PoF, Match and eHarmony, which, even with its humungous questionnaire and super-duper algorithm found zero matches for me. After some initial enthusiasm, I soon find out that it’s all a big waste of time. The vast majority of women on these sites seem to me to be clear extroverts – bubbly, vivacious, sociable, etc, etc – but when you look at what they want it’s certainly not not an introverted, reserved, thoughtful, sensitive man. Opposites don’t attract. Yes, I’ve pretty much given up on it. Surely there are a lot of introverted females on online dating sites – they’re probably just pretending to be extroverted because they think that is what men want. It’s always been easier for me to meet someone at work SLOWLY the online thing seems like I’m being rushedYeah not me so much. Personally I make it clear in my profile I’m a geek and ok with that but can’t seem to find many woman who claim the same.
Usually it the standard: My family and friends are very important to me, I love you travel I’m a list of female adjectives you’ll find attractive and my pets are my fur babies, followed by pictures of you out with friends at a bar. I swear it feels like they are all trying to present as the same person. O well guess I’ll keep trying or maybe I’ll meet someone out elsewhere. Ah, Andy. Hi. Same problem here, only I’m female. It seems that most men want “outgoing” and “fun to be with” ladies. They want them “young”, too. So an introverted, reserved, 99 year old woman like me is pretty much out of the dating game. Wish there was a dating site that’s exclusive for older introverts. There must be a handful of introverted men out there who would date older women. I’ve used online dating on and off for a while. To be honest I think I’d rather be able to just meet people in person. With online dating you end up investing a lot in people before you’ve even seen if you connect in person. Most people don’t give you much to go on with their profiles. Of the people you meet, the people you do connect with it often doesn’t work out, so you just end up feeling worse for having tried. Unfortunately I don’t readily meet single women. When your searching for someone of the same faith the dating pool shrinks considerably both online and off. I agree, Peter. The good thing about being of a certain faith is there are usually dating sites and meetups specifically for your peeps – narrows things a bit. I think I’ve finally figured out what the “top prospects” section on POF means.
It means more page clicks and more money for POF. I’ve gone out out with tons of women off POF, mostly wasting my time. I wish there was a better way than the internet to meet people, but… there isn’t. It may not feel like it now, but the feeling will get better. You don’t ever have to stop loving her, but you do need to let her go – it’s a grieving process, and sadly it’s a fact of life – but feeling it makes you human and shows your capacity for love. Turn it to the good: if you’re a praying man, pray that she meets someone she can love and pray for her happiness apart from you. However, you’re only 78 – you have a whole lifetime to meet people. Don’t make the mistake (that I made) of holding out for someone who isn’t interested – your life, your time is precious, don’t waste it. After the passing of my “significant other” who was very much an extrovert that made it easy for me, I very reluctantly tried online dating. There is a hole in my floor where my confidence plunged through. I would look for *some* physical attraction, thoroughly read their profiles to determine if I thought we had anything in common, and then send an honest, response, getting no reply from the vast majority, and having a very few dates that felt like job interviews for a job I was obviously unqualified for. The only one that dated me repeatedly recently quit saying I was too much of a “recluse” for her. I am so tired of being alone, yet just don’t have the inner strength for the constant rejection of dating. I’m through. I’m so glad I found this blog- it’s made me feel for the first time in my life that I’m not strange. My OLD experiences have been mixed. I never seem to be into the men who contact me, and the ones I’m sure are the right never answer my messages… so, needless to say, dating is fraught with frustration. But I’m interested in your vow to date whomever asked you out. If I chose to do that, I would be going on more dates…but…isn’t it exhausting for an introvert? Especially when you’re with extroverted men? Also, sorry if you talked about this elsewhere, but what made you choose to take that dating vow?
Do you advise it for girls like me who just can’t be themselves around men they like? Do you have any advice for dealing with a nasty comments? Online dating is really draining for me anyway and it’s almost overwhelming when some already creepy guy fires off something mean because you didn’t answer his stupid flirt, for example. In my mind I know that he’s lashing out, but I keep fixating on it.