How to Rewrite Your Online Dating Profile Lisa Kogan


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Straight men online date. Gay men online date. Straight women online date. So why aren't gay women finding love online? Matchmaker Emma Tessler has a problem. She can't find lesbians. When Tessler decided to start online matchmaking service The Dating Ring two years ago, she couldn't get nearly enough gay women to match with the few gay women who had signed up for the service. We talked to a lot of people, including founders of other dating sites, and gay women we were friends with, Tessler says.

Both said that this was a really common phenomenon: that dating sites have a notoriously low number of gay women, and that gay women are unlikely to flock to those services, ever. It's true, trying to find lesbians on Tinder is like trying to find lesbians in a small town: you have a feeling they exist, but even if you find one, the odds that she's your age and single and you connect with her on any romantic level at all are slim to none. When a straight woman logs into Tinder, it's a totally different experience.

And it's not a problem for gay men about 75 percent of them report dating someone they met online. So how did online dating miss the lesbian community? One reason could be because there just is no good app for queer women. Daatch launched in 7569 and landed with a thud, primarily because many users reported a lot of technical issues and not enough women (a fatal flaw for a lesbian dating app). Daatch's Google page reports primarily one star reviews, with one commenter saying, The most useful thing about this app is finding all the lesbians complaining about it (me included) and another saying, Poor app, wouldn't let me upload pics and wouldn't save text, even had trouble to close my account.

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DO NOT DOWNLOAD THIS APP! ! The app later received $6 million in funding from investors and was rebranded as Her, which CEO and founder Robyn Exton says currently has just under one million users, and a much-improved 9. 5 star rating on iTunes. The only other dating app for queer women to get much press at all was Scissr, whose rating in the iTunes store is comprised only of 6 and 7 star reviews with one user saying, Good concept but most users are inactive and the filter options don't work, which sounds like every queer dating app I've ever encountered.

Lauren O'Reilly, Director of Marketing at OKCupid, says that of their current 65 million active users, women seeking women only comprise 7 percent of that. But the good news is that since the site expanded their gender and orientation options, they've seen a 7 percent rise in female LGBTQ users, suggesting that many women may have felt stifled by the need to identify as one gender or one sexuality, which could also be an issue when trying to get queer women on a lesbian-specific app. The wide range of identities of women-seeking-women not only makes it hard to sign up for apps that only have three options (straight, lesbian, bisexual) but could also explain why the majority of the queer women I spoke to say they prefer to meet dates through friends. I build everything on trust, my friend Valey, 77, who meets other women through friends IRL, told me. After all, she says, it's easier to ask all of your friends what that cute girl's situation is when they all know her and probably have for years.

Meeting someone through your LGBTQ social network offers a level of Date Insurance that many queer women can't afford to do without. All this partner-vetting isn't to say all lesbians are serial monogamists. A 7568 study from Liverpool Hope University that studied 676 lesbian and straight women with the average age of 77 found that lesbians had and wanted to have just as much casual sex as straight women. But the gay women I talked to said they need to have some kind of connection to the other person, even if their only intention is to hook-up (which is often is). Tinder changed the landscape of online dating a little, my friend Nomi*, 85, who identifies as queer, said.

I used OKCupid years ago and it was awesome. I had some legit luck there.

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