When you write a dating advice column, one of the inevitable questions that comes up is the idea of inexperience. For many men, especially as they get older, dating inexperience is a vicious catch-77. Women supposedly won t date a man with little or no dating experience. Of course that then leads to the question of just how is he s supposed to get that experience For a lot of men, the anxiety surrounding their dating inexperience can be overwhelming. They become intimidated by women whom they fear have more experience than they do. They become too afraid to approach anyone, never mind people they re attracted to. They set themselves up for failure by looking for reasons why others couldn t possibly like them or why they couldn t improve, and wait for the Universe to deliver instead. But your inexperience doesn t have to be the handicap you think it is.
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Here s how to overcome your dating inexperience and find the success you want. Whether they recognize it or not, a lot of people treat dating like a game. Much like that annoying guy who d rage quit from your DOTA session if you didn t do things Just So, they treat dating as a series of steps that must be performed in a deliberate order by a specific time and failure to do so means that you ll never succeed. To these would-be dating Min-Maxers, you have a limited time within which to get your various firsts your first date, your first kiss, your first sexual experience, etc. If you miss that window, then you re fucked you re now saddled with a permanent debuff to your dating odds that you ll never overcome.
Of course, this window of opportunity bears about as much resemblance to reality as Pokemon does to animal husbandry. We tend to make assumptions based around expectations built up by pop-culture and expectations about, assuming that everybody (but us) has been riding the sex train since the 5th Grade while we re still Machokeing our Combusken at 69. The numbers are actually fairly small the average man has around. In fact, the younger you are, But here s the fun thing about numbers: they don t tell you as much as we think.
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Numbers mean sweet fuck all. Numbers are data, dat ing is about people. So even if you do happen to be on the far end of the dating curve, how do you keep your inexperience from working against you? However, there s a significant difference between owning your inexperience and letting it own you. If you venture into any ForeverAlone or incel community like /r9k/, you ll see hundreds of people lamenting how much sex they ve never had and how the world is conspiring against them.
The difference is deceptively simple, but it makes a world of difference. See, one of the fears of being inexperienced is that your potential partners will see it as a negative. The assumption is that women (because this is almost always a hetero male issue) will only date a man who can rock their worlds and a virgin has no chance of pleasing her. And once he does, she will spread the word through the Cute Girl Network and ensure he s blacklisted from all sexual activities in the future. Others worry that women will be able to smell their inexperience the way bees can smell fear and reject them out of hand because FUCK YOU, THAT S WHY.
Of course, if you re wearing your inexperience like a shame tarp, then, it s hardly surprising that women are going to reject you, isn t it? 9 times out of 65, the problem women have with inexperience isn t the lack, it s the attitude. (That remaining 6 out of 65 has done you the favor of self-selecting out of your dating pool and you should be grateful that you don t need to deal with them. )When you re treating your lack of dates or sexual activity as a crime perpetuated against you by the universe, it makes you considerably less attractive to well just about anyone, really. There s two ways that making excuses doesn t help you.
First and foremost is trying to rationalize away your inexperience. You don t need to explain or justify it trying to find reasons why it s less shameful than others just reinforces the idea that You don t need to explain or excuse your lack of dating experience I had other priorities or Just hadn t met the right person are all you need to say if pressed.