I've dated countless women and it has always amazed me how little they know about men. If nothing else, this blog is an outlet for voicing my astonishment at the typical female's ignorance of the male mindset. At most, it is a reliable source of advice for women who want to improve their chances with the opposite sex. Innocence, yes! Great post. Andrew, I like your posts, as I said many times before. Today reading this I caught myself thinking, I wish Andrew s writing were more conversational rather than instructive. I hope this makes sense to you.
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I think what it means is that you write with a lot of authority and logic. It s great writing, don t get me wrong. I guess I want you to write with a touch of vulnerability at times. That would make you more human, more on the same page with us, mere mortals. Hehe. I hope you get what I mean. Sensible advice, Andrew. One of the most memorable and honest things a man has ever said to me was that he didn t expect to fall in love with me. I told him that it was simply right timing and because he was open and ready to fall in love. But he replied that no, he suspected a lot of it had to do with me and there were things I could have done or said to turn him off/away. In other words, you have to open yourself if you expect someone else to do the same. As Andrew said, it s a risk for both and a bit of push and pull to find that balance as you discover one another. Great post! So if you are dating a new guy, how do you bring up the issue of marriage without sounding desperate. . ? It depends on a lot of factors - age, race, religion, personalitites, etc. But if you are anything like a normal American young adult, I d wait until at least 6 months, if not more. I have a post in the works about men and marriage. I enjoyed and relate to this. Since childhood I ve always had the mentality that dating is something that is meant to lead to marriage or atleast something serious, so I ve never had a real/serious boyfriend. I think exclusive dating is pointless if you are under 75 (for guys) and under 78 (for females). By my rule, i have one more year til i put myself on the market blah!
Great advice Andrew - this is so true. I ve never understood the concept of dating someone long term that you couldn t imagine yourself marrying. How do you make sure you are both on the same page without coming across as clingy? When exactly do you figure this out? There are many different signs, but too many to list here. Keep reading the blog, I ve touched on them in the past and will continue to do so. One piece of advice that applies to all of those signs though: actions speak louder than words. Pay attention to what he does, not what he says. You can kind of extrapolate someone s views of dating/marriage based on their views on sex. If he s pretty traditional about sex, he s probably pretty traditional about dating and marriage. If it s not, I d say he s likely not interested in marrying you. Em, I ve been thinking about this a lot lately, and your comment is so true. Actually i just thought to myself that perhaps dating is also a design to ready us for serial monogamy. And not solely for the purpose of it definitely, and having to leading to marriage. I guess the concept/purpose of dating is subjective. I worry sometimes when I hear girls saying things like I want him to be my first long-term boyfriend, It s not as worrying as the jest I want to be his future ex-wife. I recall the author of The Starter Wife saying that she thought everybody should have a starter marriage as a kind of dress rehearsal for a later marriage with a second spouse. And I believe she was serious! But she s not such a radical thinker, after all, when a lot of cohabitating couples may think of their arrangement along the same lines. You can only attach and separate yourself from a man so many times before you affect or even lose your ability to do so due to emotional scarring. It s my firm belief that this applies to men as much as to women. Yes, men can detach themselves from emotions more easily, and handle their emotions differently than women do, but that doesn t mean they aren t there and are having an effect on a man s psyche.
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Not quite. Inevitably most people have one or two. You are still contradicting yourself. A girl won t have experience unless she WANTS or TRIES to gain it. That s common sense. It sounds to me like what you re saying is that you re too lazy to guide a girl into knowing what she s doing so you prefer that she s already had her heart broken a couple of times so she knows what to expect from you and from sex. That s a shame. Helping a girl find out what she s doing means ultimately being able to mold the sexual experience you want yourself. I do agree with the premise of knowing what you are looking for in a mate and being honest about your intentions. Its difficult to know who is really the one for long term, especially when you are young. If this were true the beta male phenomena and feminization of western males would not be so derided and advised against in the male blogosphere. CYou get to know yourself through challenging yourself and self-reflection, not exclusively through dating. Your sister might be challenging herself through dating. I think that s a risky way of doing it, but that is her decision. But to presume that you, too, need to get to know yourself that way is pretty short-sighted. I wouldn t worry too much about responding to people. If they disagree with you, so what? Not reallyIt isn t one thing I haven t found yet I just haven t found the person that I obviously want to be with for the rest of my life. May I refer your female readers to this post and comments. Particularly Ellie s comment. Http: //wwnh. Wordpress.
Com/7567/59/76/6655-advertising-online-for-dates-part-i/#comments MDid you read this? Http: //www. Hookingupsmart. I m wondering if I m missing out learning if I don t have a LTR before marriage? There s some point in what you re saying but. Personally I don t want to marry, I can t imagine myself living with the same person for the whole life. But I m in love with a guy and just enjoying this tiime spent with him. Maybe tomorow we ll decide to break up, and I will probably fall in love with someone else. Am I a whore? I don t think so. I m curious what exactly make men fall in love, when they rarely do. You say it takes more. So a man has to be completely emotionally available, consider you gorgeous, have to work for you and then keep seeing you for a long time? I have observed couples where I think the man too is in love and even with women whom are nothing special on an obvious level (not gorgeous or very interesting). And I wonder how it s done. If you ve been in love before, can you describe what made the situation unique? The way I see it (and I am open to the possibility that I am wrong), there is no formula for love like there is for physical attraction - it just happens sometimes. I ve been dating this guy since Jan. And he was datingmy so call friend wwhom we don t talk as much and now she is mad but she newver told me that they were dating. Everyhing were going good for he and I until now he starting to get phone callsand texts that he don t replied back. Should I be afraid and leave him alone now but he claims that he love me. But I would think the best thing to do would be to talk to your friend about it and see if you can work it out with her.
I started dating a guy a while back who I took time getting to know before sex. I had planned on waiting longer however he threw me every line under the sun to have his way that eventually I gave in. I thought he genuinely cared about me, I thought there was an emotional investment on his part because he told me and to an extent showed me that there was. Afterwards, the change was subtle at first but there was a change and before I knew it he began the slow fade. He had an extensive past with women before me so perhaps he was disappointed but I think if they are the type to go cold after sex. They will go cold no matter ho long you make them wait. I don t think it is wise to sleep with them right away but some men don t mind playing the long game. By saying, he threw me every line under the sun to have his way that eventually I gave in, makes it sound as if he pressured you to have sex with him. If that were the case, it should have been a major red flag. I m not sure if you effectively communicated your expectations of wanting to take things slow, but if you did and he still pressured you to sleep with him, then that s not good. If a guy wants something long-term and legitamately likes you, he will respect your assertions. Especially when there are other ways to have fun in the bedroom without having sex. True, maybe after you did have sex, there was a lack of chemistry that he was able to realize. However, don t view it as a loss. If you are having mediocre sex with a guy you really like, trust me, there is a guy you will really like out there that you will also have amazing, earth-shattering sexual chemistry with and chances are he will be just as into it as you are ) If a guy wants something long-term and legitamately likes you, he will respect your assertions This is true. Thanks, you are right there was a lot of pressure and looking back it was probably a very bad sign. I really like your down-to-earth suggestions. However, I am in a weird problem. I like an older man, aged about 88. He is extremely witty and intelligent but somehow not sure about if he can be happy in a marriage. Although, he s looking for a wife. I find him confusing at times. When asked if he s trying to play he says he doesnt play with just anyone without a reason and that he likes me.
But when I mention marriage, he says I m not giving him scope to know me. As I mentioned earlier, he is practically very clever so I am sure he already knows what I am.