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So I’ve been seeing this guy for a few months now. At first, everything was amazing. We hit it off right away and during the first few weeks, he seemed super into me. He would text me things like, ‘I miss you’ and ‘Can’t wait to see you’ and on our second date he said he never liked a girl so much after only two dates. He was also super attentive and super sweet. All this was great, but then he started to shift and lately has been acting really shady- he cancels on me last minute, he’s been acting distant, and I’m just getting weird vibes. At first I thought he was just trying to end things, but then from time to time he’ll text me something really sweet, like about how much he wants to see me, or that he’s been thinking about me, so obviously, he’s still interested or why would he do that? Anyway, I’m really confused by his behavior, my friends say I should just forget him but I really feel like we could have something great and I’m not ready to throw in the towel just yet.

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Okay, I’m gonna let you in on something that very few women know. When a guy says things like, ‘I’ve never liked a girl so much after only a few dates’ or he texts you saying he misses you when you barely know each other, he doesn’t really mean it. Yes, he feels something, but it is not missing you that he s feeling. The statements are actually rooted in his own insecurity. That may be hard to believe, but it’s true. For instance, if a guy says something like ‘I like you so much” or whatever during the early phases, he really just wants to see how you’ll react namely, that you ll say that you feel the same way. Now I’m not saying he doesn’t like you and isn’t interested, but his main goal here is to see how much you  are interested. If you say something like, ‘oh my god really? I really like you too! ’ and get all excited, then he knows you’re really into him. If you get really freaked-out and look at him like he’s a stalker, he’ll know that he’s gonna have to work a little harder to win you over. So, for starters, I would say that the more insecure he is about you liking him, the more of this stuff he s going to say until he s convinced that you really like him a lot. Then he ll start being himself In the beginning, the guy really just wants to make you like him. Everyone wants to be liked, it’s a really great feeling for both men and women. So him texting you sweet things and saying all that mushy stuff and being really attentive is just his way of hooking you in and it’s not really him expressing his feelings. Don t get me wrong I m not saying that he doesn t feel anything for you or that he won t feel anything for you. I m just saying that at this early phase, it s all just poetry. It will be real when both of you are convinced that you like each other and you both drop the mask and start acting like yourself, fully. Dropping the mask is something I talk about extensively in the article link below Well at this point, the guy realizes that you really like him, he has you, and he s no longer worried that he could lose you to another guy. Now while you might start getting really excited by this prospect, this particular guy has probably gotten freaked out. At this point, he’s afraid that everything he said in the beginning has led you to believe that you guys are a couple and he starts acting in a way that shows you this is not the case.

He cancels plans, he goes MIA for days at a time, he acts distant. At the root of it, the same sense of insecurity that made the guy obsessed with finding out if you like him is now scaring him into thinking that you re going to take his freedom away. If you start getting on his case ( Why didn’t you call? Why are you being so shady? , etc. ) he will feel trapped and suffocated and start. Every time I m ready to break up, he ll give me one decent day where he treats me like I kind-of matter. Nothing really special, just not awful. And I soak it up like a desperate puppy. I think I hate that the most. The way I m so desperate to feel him love me again. It s pathetic and needy and I don t remember being like this before. Not ever. When did I become this person? Is all of this behavior my fault? I ve been reading through these articles- and as a man I actually think they re very good and in a lot of cases as relevant to men as they are to women. Im not sure if that s because they re written by a man or what. Behind our cool exteriors a lot of men stress just as much, about similar things. I am currently suffering from anxiety from a similar situationFirst- I appreciate your perspective and advice. I think it is men like you who offer strong, transparent and forthcoming knowledge on men and women and how the mashup of the two creates profound experiences is helpful. I appreciate whatever you have to say.

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I never felt such mixed feelings for a man- I like him a lot but I deserve more intentionality. To me, this is probably the most important statement in the article: It’s easier to look at his behavior if you can see it through a lens of compassion, and not from a place of frustration or fear. Yes. This isn t to let the guy off the hook or passively accept a situation. The benefits are that you don t end up inadvertently making the situation worse and, without negative emotions clouding your view, you can look at the situation with clarity and peace. In general, looking at the problems of our life without the clouding lens of negative emotions often is 95% of the path to success. It is the opposite! Women should be viewed with compassion when a man hides his true agenda, uses her for sex and to feed his ego and then flees because he really wants someone younger, more attractive, etc. ? I ve known the guy for over 68 years and have always regretted us not giving each other a shot in high school. We have history. I really care about him and want to be that person for him and his boys. Any advice is greatly appreciated! ! My long distance boyfriend whom I haven t met yet personally asked me to send my naked picture. . When I refused, he got mad at me and he broke up with me i told him i couldn t send one because of privacy reasons as I thought that it might affect my personal life and career I told him it s against our professional codes. He said he is my boyfriend and he can t see any reason why I couldn t send one He said he doesn t understand why I acted like that and he decided to broke up with me He even told me he isn t interested with me anymore, that he will find another woman who will make him happy We argued through long distance texts. He didn t even say sorry Am I selfish? I wanted us to stay together.

But I can t find any valid reason why I have to send my naked picture. Besides, I told him I haven t done anything like that in my whole life. He was really insisting that time but we ended up fighting and arguing about that issue. I don t know if my decision is wrong. I love him very much but I don t like the way he treats me like that. I was even the first one to say sorry. Am I selfish? It isn t because I don t trust him I was thinking about the possible impact if ever I had send my naked picture to him Then the next day, I had checked his profile in facebook. I saw in his timeline that he and his ex-girlfriend are friends again in facebook I was hurt. I don t know if he did it on a purpose or what Please help Thanks Seriously? How old are you? 65 yo? To me this guy sounds like a creep. Just leave it! Will a guy travel for over 65 hours just to have weekend sex without any emotions attached? If he says no emotions attached, why can t he find and sleep with a girl in his current location? Thank u for your reply. But then 5 days later I get blocked out of the blue. He hasn t spoken to me in 8 weeks. We have great communication, that includes lots of eye contact that remains in focus during the whole conversation, as well as just gazing into each others eyes without a word as one of us will walk past the other one. During the winter when our company was reducing hours, his would get cut and he had mentioned a few times that during our lunch break on his day off he might drive down with his dog so he could show everyone.

This is when he had asked for my number so he would call ahead of time to let me know that he was on his way. I will however say that currently he doesn’t have a phone and was going to use a family members phone, so possibly that might be the reason he hasn’t contacted me that way)I will also mention that he has also made accounts to play the same online games as I do, after I was telling him about the ones that I play the most and I can’t help but feel like h’es trying to get a stronger connection. He has asked personal things as well, if I live alone or with family or……. Trying to see if I am involved with anyone. I am seperated and have made this fact known to him, he understands the situation. He teases me everyday almost and one time while teasing had mentioned about going to the movies, but he said it in a way that was just teasing, maybe to avoid rejection I think. Hi. I have the situation in my job with a co-worker. Same exact attentiveness, teasing, and obviousness. Same small office space so other co-workers are aware of our interaction. The advice I m giving you is what was given to me. Stop making excuses why he is or isn t asking you out. Before you begin, but I don t know or you don t know what he did, yes I do. I have the same exact situation. You have 7 choices, ask him out yourself or live your life, without any expectations from him. I followed advice number 7 and found another decent guy who had the courage to ask me out. Just remember, be honest and upfront in your choice and be willing to accept the consequences of your actions, be it good or bad. Hope it helps. Second date, everything was going amazing. The next day. I asked what time we were meeting for dinner.

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