Are many married women actually very lonely? Seems like a rather interesting topic to explore in a day and age where social media and technology is allowing couples to communicate more often than not. But the means of communication isn't the problem, it's the communication itself in a time of prosperous lifestyle opportunities. Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr., Ph. D. , writes on his wealth of experience with frustrated married women Each day I am confronted by women who are extremely frustrated with their marriages.
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They usually express no hope that their husbands will ever understand what it is that frustrates them, let alone change enough to solve the problem. From their perspective, marital problems are created by their husbands who do little or nothing to solve them. Marriage is a term best associated historically with the pursuit of survival interests. For most people on the planet, up until about a century ago, it was a matter of arranging opportunistic unions for the elevation of status and security in pretty much every culture since the dawn of time. According to Stephanie Coontz author of 'Marriage, a History:
How Love Conquered Marriage. ' This traditional act of union between a and woman is quite simply an arranged alliance that had really high survival results. Marriage is a truly ancient institution that predates recorded history. But early marriage was seen as a strategic alliance between families, with the youngsters often having no say in the matter. In some cultures, parents even married one child to the spirit of a deceased child in order to strengthen familial bonds.
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We've had at least half a century of marrying for love and now we are realizing some things that many scientists and journalists claimed a long time ago. Monogamy isn't for everybody, and those who have the patience to work through it must be very patient. As Albert Einstein famously noted in his letters, I am sure you know that most men (as well as quite a number of women) are not monogamously endowed by nature. Let's not confuse marital unhappiness with a lack of successful marriages or the dismissal of marriage as an institution. That is, an affair can provide feelings of affirmation and restore vitality, and can activate courage to leave the marriage when doing so is the healthiest path.
So with that said, let's explore a few real reasons for women to try infidelity, and let's put the judgment away for the sake of this objective exercise. As early research suggests, couples who agree to or are likely to be more open and honest with each other about their deepest needs. The study conducted by Bjarne Holmes and his team at the Champlain College in Vermont finds that open communication is the key to all of this. They communicate to death [. ] They're talking a lot, they're negotiating a lot, they're bringing their feelings to the table a lot.
However, it might really be worth the talk to save your marriage. While men and masculinity in general is associated with suppressing feelings of loneliness, the stereotype for women is that they have no problem expressing their lack of connection. There's that old expression if a woman isn't expressing her lack of concern to her spouse, she's given up. A study published by the 'Journal of Personality and Social Psychology' found that men felt less lonely when surrounded a big friend group, whereas women identified loneliness with a lack of personal connection - Of course this is the type of connection that takes hard, diligent effort and work to nurture a blossoming marriage. We are all wired differently when it comes to matters of the libido.
Somewhere along our communal decision making process, we decided that sexual preference and needs need to be managed in a neat and tidy monogamous box.