I recently had a discussion with a few good girlfriends of mine about the state of marriage today. The debate quickly became very passionate, like so many of our chat fests often do, when we realized we all had very different opinions about the definitions of “husband” and “boyfriend” in today’s society. A single girlfriend of mine who has been living with her boyfriend for over 9 years said, “I don’t need a ring. He’s more my husband than my boyfriend any day. A ring won’t change that! ” Interesting, I thought. Before I could respond, another friend of ours interjected, “I agree with her. These days, who really needs a ring?Dating Services pretoria
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” I immediately responded, “I did! ”Only two of the five other women at the table stood by me. One married, one not. The others joked that in their experience only married women felt there was a true difference between husbands and boyfriends, and it was likely because they were married. Um…okay, if you say so. These were my arguments…. (Disclaimer: These are the somewhat humorous, 655 percent honest, opinions of a happily married woman who has always felt that marriage was, and is, the ultimate destination on the journey to true love. You may not agree, and that’s okay too – feel free to state your case in the comment section below. )Boyfriends love you. Husbands love you so much they knew they could never ever share, so they just had to make you their “wife” officially. Boyfriends make promises. Husbands make them before God and everyone else you love enough to invite to your wedding. When boyfriends have “had it up to here” they move out, take their space, or tell you they’re not sure things are working out between you. When husbands have “had it up to here” they take a walk or have a beer. Boyfriends feel very little guilt gawking at the occasional hot chick passing by, or harmlessly flirting with a co-worker. Husbands think about it occasionally but know better than that to risk it. (Most days at least! )Boyfriends understand that a woman’s just having “one of those days”. Husbands go to the store (alone! ) to pickup your feminine products – and even remember your brand. Boyfriends sometimes stay out too late with the guys. Husbands know they better beat the sun in the morning.
Boyfriends love you in “those sexy heels”. Husbands love you in anything. Boyfriends seek important advice from their friends. Husbands seek advice from their wives. Boyfriends remember your birthday. Husbands remember that time something you said changed their life. Boyfriends sometimes bend the rules. Husbands want to work with you to set them. I could go on, and on, and on! But I’ll stop here for now. To me, there is a very big difference between a boyfriend and a husband – many of which revolve around devotion, commitment, and understanding. I’ve always said that marriage is not for everyone, but for those who seek it, there is something very special to it. I’ve seen a lot of women change their tune about marriage after they felt it was unattainable or because the guy they loved didn’t seem to want it too. It makes me sad. Now if you’ve never wanted to get married, no judgments here, to each it’s own, as I always say. If you’ve always wanted or been open to marriage, don’t sell yourself short by convincing yourself that the next best thing is the same thing. It’s not. And you deserve to have the bond you dream about – not the one that’s become convenient or “acceptable” today. Just think about it…This will hurt some feelings, but it is so true and so honest that everyone needs to hear it. I think it s easy to say all of this when you re married to the man of your dreams. Most if us aren t as lucky. There are a lot of jerk husbands out there. I agree with you 655%.
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There is and always has been a difference. It s sad that some women are so afraid of being alone that they will accept the long-term live-in boyfriend who won t wholly commit. I for one wish to be blessed in matrimony one day and will not accept the long-term live-in boyfriend (again). I have been married twice and am now single. I totally agree that there is a huge difference once married and that that piece of paper is a whole lot more than just paper! When a marriage is a good one, it is beautiful and no one should settle and marry just out of loneliness or settle on a common law husband just because they have given up on one day having a wonderful marriage mate. Good things do come to those that wait. . Always respect yourself and love yourself enough to wait for the very best in life beautifully written blog btw. In all honesty, I think it s a bit snobbish to think boyfriends don t feel or behave the same as husbands do or even imply they love their ladies less because there s no ring or legal union. What about gays and lesbians who cannot legally marry? Is their love less valid because there is no ring and a marriage certificate involved? I m a wife but I don t need a ring or the piece of paper to know how my husband feels about me. I m glad we are a legally married couple but he loved me and would stand by me even without marriage. I sometimes think married folks attempt to consider themselves as better than the long-term but not married couples. Hey Kim! Thanks for weighing in you know I appreciate the comment love, always. I m sorry you took it that way, but I stand by my jokes/truth here and I support all love not just marriage, you know that. No rule applies to every one, so of course, i do think there are great boyfriends and shitty husbands out there it s a given. But in my experience there are quite a few differences that some women choose to ignore for convenience and that s what I was trying to find a humorous way to address here. As for gays/lesbians, they should be able to marry legally and I think that those who do want to would like to do so perhaps can relate to some of what I m saying here. Hope that helps some. Thanks for reading!
Happy Thanksgiving! No, gays and lesbians who can t get married don t love each other any less than married straight people. But why do they want gay marriage to be legalized so much then? Isn t it because it does make a difference? I believe there is. If there is no difference, then why would you get married? Anna what you said makes perfect sense. Why care about being legally married is there is no difference at all or if its not important. Why are there protests and No H8 campaigns? There is a difference and people can dance around that issue all they want. Bottom line is that Marriage is a sacred bond. Woman these days will just accept anything from a man, just to say they have one. A man who truly loves you wants every one to know it and has no problems or excuses when it comes to getting married. Then what was the point in getting married if you belive havinf a boyfriend is no different than having a husband? Fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. Sure some boyfriends will more closely resemble husbands. But I specifically want to comment on the differences you identified in your first two points. It s not about a label. That s what a lot of single (and married! ) people don t understand. Ditto this! It s when a woman thinks marriage won t happen or that he doesn t want it that she starts to settle for an alternative contentment.
There is a HUGE difference in being a man s wife and being a man s gf/ baby momma /wifey (hate that term). Boyfriends introduce you to his best friend. A husband s WIFE is his best friend! I agree with your position but not some of your arguments! The first two were dynamic but as a woman shacking up, without a ring on it, my boyfriend covers almost everything after the second second argument, down to the feminine supplies! Great post sis! Ha, thanks for commenting Lauren! I agree that there are some truly great boyfriends, and some truly crappy husbands out there that are total exceptions glad you found one! I laughed at your reply, you are cooky! You are clearly single or prayerfully not involved with that mentality! ! Maybe you have never heard a boyfriend say til death do us part, but I m pretty sure you ve heard plenty of wives and husband say, I want a divorce, we re separated, or the divorce has been finalized! As much as I love my boyfriend, adore him as a father to our daughter, and thank GOD for him being my only friend when things get rough I m not sure if I even want to be married to him or anyone for that matter. As far as a certain level of commitment, who the hell made you the moral radar police? Thanks for the laugh suga! In my opinion, boyfriends should never act like husbands, they should never have the same privileges as a husband. Why would anyone even equate A boyfriend to a husband? Oh, I know, morality is just for spiros. Ppl dat say they re okay without the ring are lying, if he loves u, he should ensure dat u re exclusively hisI m going to be honest, I didn t date to just have a boyfriend. Marriage is not only a spiritual contract, it is a legal/business one and there are benefits to such. Girls and their boyfriends are just mating just like animals of opposite sexes pairing, especially for reproduction. Married couple makes true God given marital love! Family flaws are there just as they are in every social institution and in fact they are everywhere!
A ring on your finger is not going to stop you from having to support a family while you husband is home on line dating women and watching excessive amounts of porn and spending family money on himself. It will not stop the fact that he never helps with house hold chores or children. It is not going to stop what they do, or they want to do and we all say yeah sure its ok to take a wife for granted. Men do not oogle other women when they are with their wives and children Rings do not make men husbands.