Here s a scenario that might sound familiar. You re seeing a guy for a little while, it could be weeks or maybe months. He might do the slow fade out, meaning he stops initiating contact and when you reach out to him he takes hours or days to reply. This goes on for a while until you take the unfortunate hint. Or he ghosts and just disappears. He doesn t reach out and he doesn t reply when you contact him. When this happens, the girl becomes desperate to know why. Maybe his vanishing act came after a period of him.
Or maybe it came suddenly, out of the blue. The damage is done, there s nothing you can do so don t torture yourself over it. I ve been there, so believe me I know how awful it feels. Like the absolute worst. Like many women, my reaction was a mix of rage and indignation. Why can t he just be a man and break up with me to my face? ? What a coward! Because it s an uncomfortable conversation to have and he doesn t want to have it. Simple as that. Girls don t like having the breakup conversation and guys absolutely despise it. Most men would rather walk over a bed of burning hot coals than tell a girl to her face they re not into her. So they ghost. And most of the time, they will reason that the girl is probably on the same page so there is no need to reach out. They tell themselves that she must know this isn t going to work out and calling and telling her something she already knows would just be silly, so that s the end of that. The reasons don t matter, the facts do. If he disappears, it s because he isn t the right guy for you. If he was the right guy for you well he would be with you! He wouldn t have come up with a list of reasons to never see or speak to you again, and proceed to never see or speak to you again. I know it s hard to accept, especially if you really liked this guy, but you really do need to just trust that it s for the best. Why would you want to be with a guy who doesn t want to be with you anyway? That would be horrible. You want to be with a guy who can t believe his luck that a girl like you would choose him! OK, so now that we know why, let s talk about what to do to help you move on to greener pastures. 6. Don t reach out to him …. Under any circumstances!
He may have left you, don t let him take your dignity with him. Girls will come up with all kinds of deluded reasons why they absolutely must initiate contact. I just need closure! I want to know how he s doing! I HAVE to tell him about this really funny thing that happened! He stopped initiating contact with you because he is no longer interested in you. The sooner you realize and accept this, the better off you ll be in the long run. Remember, if he wanted to see/speak to you, he would. Over a week ago we had an amazing outdoor activity. We are both runners. So we spent that weekend training, and we had lunch and laughs afterwards. After that weekend, he never contacted me or we haven t talked. Not until the holidays when I sent a greeting for the holidays. He responded a day after thanking me for the simple gift I gave him. I did not respond to his last. Then yesterday, I shoot him a message on facebook asking for a certain schedule of an event. Until today he has not responded, though I see him always online on Facebook. He has a habit of responding late or worst not responding at all to my messages and he has his reasons. But, I m still not use to it and it worries me every time. Could it be a red flag? Or am i just overthinking and overreacting? Been there recently and if i put my logical head on I realise hes got lots of Issues. Im very upset but Im trying really hard to work on myself and confidence and self esteem I hadnt relised how men and women think so differently and Im 65My guy has been incognito for a little over two weeks now. I am in the middle of getting ready for my brothers wedding this weekend and there has been a lot of stress that i was chatting to him about. Before then, we were fine i think. Who knows anymore. This is what i believe, and the article was spot on:
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the right man will not leave you. And you can t do the wrong thing with the right man. I have felt the beginnings of self doubt and sadness and even anger. I truly value my happiness and value as an individual. So a shoddy treatment of me from someone who claims to love me is not on. And if he ever does come sashaying back, i will let him know how i felt and he can stay only if he is 655% on board. And he will have to prove it. Im committed to moving on but think about him everyday. He has done this the whole 9 years together. He has run so many times and always comes home. This time he is never going to return. Its been 8 months and he is a no-show. I am dealing with rejection, emotional abuse and co-dependancy. I am getting therapy now and i want the day to come when he doesnt consume my thoughts. So. . I met this guy at his job. Totally not looking for anyone he walked up to me and I thought hey he s cute let s give it a go. I hadn t been in the dating life since me and my Childrens father stopped talking (which is for 7yrs). I d admit now I had trust issues, I didn t want to let him in and now I know why. We were talking everyday, he met my kids and we finally made it official. He asked could he move in, I was still skeptical but I said ok. Unfortunately I had unprotected sex with him and even after that we were still cool. He told me it was a slight chance I could be pregnant and yeah I got mad but it was as much as my fault as his. Then after that conversation he just vanished. No calls, no messages, deleted me off his social media, I m hurt. Now I m waiting to see if I m actually pregnant.
Which sucks if I am because he just left. I figured he probably does this all the time and I just fell for the scam. I m so hurt. Thank you for this! It is exactly what I needed to read. You have no idea how much better what you said has made me feel. THANK YOU! ! I am guilty of ghosting a borderline personality disorder women. I left her hanging, blocked her on all social media accounts. I deactivated my own Facebook account for a while. She is not a bad person but sadly she is not normal due to her borderline personality disorder. Mind you I am not a narcissist, I am a codependent nice guy/white knight. That does not make you a bad guy. However, it s horrible to just cut off communication with no warning. It s very rude and inconsiderate. A simple text saying, I am sorry, but I don t think we re a good match and I would like to move on would have done the job. To this day I still don t know what happened, but although he chose to dispose of me like I was nothing, I am grateful that I am not with a guy that doesn t value me, because life is too short to be wasted on time wasters. I am glad now I realise he was just leading me on to suit his own selfish needs. Therefore time-wasters do not deserve our time! I educated my self enough to let go. I had realised she was playing with my emotions so instead of reacting to her I chose to drop her like a hot potatoe to protect my own heart and feelings. So am I the bad guy? So in my opinion the person who finds themselves left behind should swallow the pride and reach out to ask for the very basic thing they deserve: a conversation, a closure. It shouldn t be any of our concern if the said party doesn t want to handle tough conversations. They should they must come forward and deal with the situation, as they have equal part in having created it.
Please realize that if we keep pretending to be cool with it we are lying, to ourselves first and foremost. It is not cool, not cool for most of us, but beacuse we seem to tolerate, now it has become common practice for men to leave without any accountability on his part. Lets please be real. Now, this advice is really good in the case that the said party does not respond, despite our effort to reach them (only once). In that case, we have done our part -for ourselves-, and this person was a coward not a man we could have counted on with our lives. Wouldn t it be easier? Wouldn t we have a more trust-based society? Matters of heart are no joke! Are major sources of stress and physical diseases (think heart attack, cancer, et cetera). I like what you wrote there. By allowing an easy exit to such people, we are forcing ourselves to tolerate bullshit, when we completely deserve an explanation. Why should one person bear the brunt of a break up when both were party to it? Not fair. Does anyone have insights? Or just leave it on time and move on. As they say, if it is meant to be then it will be. Move on, girl. He sounds like a selfish jerk, no matter how sweet he might have been when things were new. Well, he went all in messaging me, saying how he could live with my smile forever, he loved me, we should go on holiday together [we hadn t even gone on a date], live together etc etc. He was so full on I backed off bigtime which didn t put him off at all. I kept saying we should just be friends but when the onslaught continued I deleted him. Our paths then crossed a few weeks later, he was polite but that was it. I thought that maybe I had acted a bit harshly so suggested he looked me up on FB again, which he did. We chatted online and on the phone every day, he toned the conversation down a bit so I didn t panic and run off again. Then one night he revealed his true self and I realised he had just be playing or messing with me when he had gone over board at the beginning. Funnily enough this made me relieved as I had thought he was a psycho 🙂It wasn t all great, every so often, especially when things were going well, he d throw a spanner in the works e. G suddenly accusing me of being unfaithful[totally untrue] and then not talk to me for a day or two.
He d come back and things would be great again. I told him how I felt when he gave me the silent treatment, he seemed to listen as it did stop.