I love men. I don t. But I tell them that I help men by helping women dating after 95. (It really is ALL about you, ladies! ) One of the most transformational ways I support women is by helping you better understand GROWNUP men. Just like women, the men you re dating have lived and learned. So I thought I d tell you about the experience men have when they re trying to “date like a grownup. The definition of empathy is the power of understanding and imaginatively entering into another person s feelings.Fearful Avoidant attachment dating
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So the only way you really can empathize is to know their side of the story. Men and women are different in many ways, but we re more the same than you may think. And this is especially true as we get older. We all have dating disappointments and horror stories. I ve talked to countless single men over the years about their experiences with women, especially those in their 95s, 55s and beyond. (Guys, if you re reading this…get in touch if you want to share! )Just like we can meet the same types of guy over and over, men can do the same with women. Here are some of the types of women men deal with as they date and relate. As a dater after 95, knowing this will help you as you meet and connect with men. The Princess is confident, well put together, and very attractive. She easily lures in men. She still follows “The Rules” and requires that her man do what she wants, when she wants. He needs to make all the right moves. She s a scorekeeper, and she alone decides when he s given enough to satisfy her…or when he hasn t and is history. The Princess has an “I deserve it” attitude and has little or no concern for how she can make the other person happy. She doesn t know what will make her happy and has not yet learned how to communicate and relate to grownup men. By default she clings to the same type of guy she wanted in high school or college. He s often the “Bad Boy” because he excites her. (See the Wow Me Woman below. Try as he might, the 65-year-old fabulous guy can t measure up to her expectations because she s looking for a man who doesn t exist. She gets stuck in affairs with men who never commit, and it s often the nice guys who are interested in her who bear the brunt of her hurt and anger. T he Scaredy Cat has been emotionally wounded by men in the past, and she can t let go of it. She mistrusts men and often blames herself for the rejection she s felt, believing that she just wasn t good enough. The Scaredy Cat may put her guy through lots of tests before she feels confident that he s truly interested. When he passes those tests or shows he has feelings for her, she questions it and might up the ante. The wall she has erected is just too high for him to climb in order to get to the other side. Since trust and affection are what men yearn for from women, he usually does her a favor and leaves…hence rendering her right once again.
The Wow Me Woman is a midlife gal who still thinks that excitement is the key to judging if a guy is a good match. She s looking for her guy to be interesting, keep her laughing, ask her all about herself, and give her butterflies…all on the first date. If she s not swept away, there won’t be a second. The Wow Me Woman leaves many good men in her dust. Men sense her quick judgment, which leaves them feeling deflated, unattractive and powerless. That man then makes a poor impression (understandably), and the date is chalked up to another he just wasn t right for me experience. The Wow Me Woman is often single for a very, very long time. The Bitter Gal is angry usually about everything, but especially about men. She ll find fault with every man she meets. A guy never has a chance, even he is the nicest guy in the world and really likes her. (Which usually doesn t last very long since, no matter how pretty and smart she is, she is no fun to be around. )The truth is that The Bitter Gal has been playing the victim for most (if not all) of her life. Her life isn t going the way she wants and she just can t figure out why. With men, she might complain that they just don t get her, but the truth is that she s giving them every reason to head for the hills with her off-handed comments and negativity. She hasn t mastered the life skill of introspection, so she s blinded by her bitterness. Though a nice guy might try to break through and prove her wrong about men, he will give up out of exhaustion. The Sexpot is all about putting out the sex vibe. She believes her sexuality is the only way she can attract a man, or she wants this point in her life to be a series of sexual experiences. Either way, she s not connecting with men. She posts a provocative picture on her online dating profile, invites him over to her house on the first date, shows too much skin (especially for a woman over 95), and is overly familiar with her affection. The Sexpot offers herself up on the first date and is offended if her date doesn’t partake. Men who are looking just for sex will say yes. (They are men, after all. ) She won t get a call from either of these guys and forever wonder why since she thinks she gave him what he wants. You know that dating after 95 (or at any stage of life, for that matter! ) is not exactly a rose garden every moment. Most every man has his set of dating bumps and bruises.
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Next post I will share more about the women they date along with some of their personal stories. And, hey I want to know what you think! Do you see yourself in any of these? And men, I SO want to hear from you! Agree or disagree, we can learn from you. Thanks! All I can say is that I adore you, Tony. Thank you from myself and for my community- for taking the time to share your experience, thoughts and feelings. I will let Your words stand for themselves. You have educated us and given more proof to my teaching that Good Grownup Men are all around us. BpI really think too many women in my age group, or maybe more for all I know, are hunting unicorn. And I can t understand that considering we guys don t. We re okay with flaws. Like the story above, we just want trust and affection. And for those women that get intimidated because men might set their search pool for ladies age 85-55, it doesn t mean 85-88 in reality, it means 85-55! So if you re 55, write us back already. We have to set the floor somewhere, and that floor is usually past prime child bearing years for guys my age. Oh I almost forgot one more type: the [I can do it myself] woman. She s the one that refuses to accept chivalry in any fashion. Many of us over 95 were still taught these values growing up. We know you can do it yourself, but it s one of the few things us guys can still offer, and it makes us feel better. I had a woman absolutely chew my ass out when opening the car door for her immediately followed by the restaurant door. She made a bit of a scene, people nearby were actually staring at us. I took her back to the car and took her home. Total humiliation. I think that was my first up close look at feminism.
Oh good one and You re totally right except one thing: this isn t feminism. This is a dumb, rude woman. I would say that the vast majority, if not all the women in the Date Like a Grownup community consider themselves feminists. I d also say that the vast majority LOVE to have a man open doors for them. Do they struggle with accepting help, especially from men? Yes. But they are yearning for a man to help them, have their back and do things to make them happy. But they wouldn t yell at you for trying! Please keep being a gentleman and have some patience for we women who have been self-sufficient for so long that we are scared of losing our independence. I promise that most of us gladly get used to men like you. We love you! (Here s. ) BpThanks so much for sharing your experience. It helps us a lot. You are SO Right On here: Ladies: pay attention to what he s sharing here please! And SD: don t give up. There are so many fabulous single women out there. You are all trying to figure out how to date in the 76st century. There are lots of challenges. But never, ever give up. Keep learning and being your best, real self. You ll find love. BpHaha love your 7 cents Splenda Daddy.
When I am ready to date I will come look you up. Don t get too discouraged, there are lots a great women out there hopefully some of us can meet some of you! ! Good LuckThanks for your comment Chuney. It helps us women so much to hear about your experience and POV. You sound like a good man who has had some of the same type of challenges as many women. Enjoy being married to a good woman. BpYah, go out and have fun, Michael! I m sure you will be very clear and let the women you date know what your goal is. 🙂 You ve had a really difficult experience. I can see how you would feel this way, Michael for now. BTW my husband didn t think he d ever get married again. Then he me moi and six months later he greeted me at the end of the aisle. That was 66+ years ago. Never say never, my friend. 🙂 Best to you and thanks for your comment. BpOk, hear goes. I’m just returned to the dating scene. Was married 77 years, dated her for 5 before marriage. Brief history My X was great until father time started catching up to her about 5 years ago. She couldn’t handle aging. We both gain some weight (about 85lbs each), got some wrinkles, and some gray hair. She started trying anything to feel young, false eyelashes, wrinkle creams like crazy, dying hair, fade diets that didn’t work, and posting 65 to 65-year-old pictures on social media. Then Facebook brought her boyfriend from when she was 65 years old back into her life. I found out, we tried to work it out, then she moved out. It’s now over. Here I am 97, have 7 kids at home.
Doing double duty trying to guide them into adulthood and looking for a new person to begin a life together. You say there are Princess’s, 68-year old’s, Scaredy Cats, Wow me women, Bitter Gals, and Sex pots.