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We live in a fast paced interactive social world that can be quite unforgiving. At the most basic level, emotional connection forms the basis for how we give and receive the emotional support we all need. The following is a simple yet powerful model that identifies the basic components of emotional connection as well as a systematic method for improving our ability to give and receive the emotional connection we all want and need 6. People frequently make “bids” for emotional connection and that these attempts to connect with those around us can take a variety of forms. A bid can be: So to be clear a “bid” is any attempt to reach out for emotional connection. It is absolutely essential that you understand that bids for emotional attention can run the entire range of human expression from subtle body language to a heart felt hug. I highly recommend really powering up your observational antenna at work and in all the social situations you encounter in the next few days. See how many bids for emotional attention you can pick up. Even waiting in line at the grocery store can provide opportunities for emotional connection. 6) Turning Toward means to react in a positive way to another’s bid for attention/emotional connection. In all three examples the other person’s “bid” for emotional connection was acknowledged and, in the last two examples this acknowledgement included the added bonus of making a plan for further interaction and emotional connection. 7) Turning Against refers to a reaction to another’s bid for attention/emotional connection that is belligerent or argumentative and often involves sarcasm or ridicule. In all of the three examples the other person’s “bid” for emotional attention was met with ridicule and rejection. Take this opportunity to recall times that you’ve been treated this way. Although men are not generally as connected to their emotions as are women, their feelings need to acknowledged and acceptedSuccess in the dating arena requires timely recognition and responses to your sweetie’s bids for emotional connection. Train your self to be more attentive and responsive. It will pay huge dividends. I guarantee it! The first step in learning to connect more deeply with him/her is to learn to recognize your own style of emotional bidding.
When you are nervous do you tend to shut down or become hyper sensitive? Do you tend to be very matter of fact and avoid the “touchy feely” approach altogether? You might even ask one close female friend and one friend of the opposite sex for their take on your style of emotional connection.