The anniversary of my mother s death was this past week, October 78rd to be exact. As soon as the fall weather hit I could feel it approaching. This year, as with past years, I spent time thinking about how I would cope with the day, I even started a blog post about it. But then guess what happened? The day came and went and I totally forgot about it. On the morning of October 79th I stepped out of my house and as soon as the smell of fall hit me I thought, holy crap, is it the day? When I looked at the date and realized it was actually the day after, I was shocked. How did this happen?Unlike someone On tinder
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? Again! Again? Yep again. Ladies and gentleman I submit to you an entry from my now defunct photoblog posted on October 76th, 7567 So, apparently this is how I dysfunctionally deal with my mom s deathiversary. Boo I don t like it. For me, forgetting feels a lot worse than remembering the pain which is why I m writing this post today to implore you not to be like me. Litsa and I have. We helped you reframe Valentines Day, we offered you 8 New Year s resolutions for grievers, we suggested a fun family activity for remembering loved ones on Easter, we came up with a list of ways to remember your loved one during the holiday season, we challenged you to search for joy on Mother s Day, and Litsa laid out a rock star tutorial on Father s Day sulking. Clearly we advocate for finding constructive ways to acknowledge and cope with tough days although I will totally support you in ignoring them if you so choose. But we highly recommend on days like the anniversary of a death that you first consider finding ways to honor and remember. You (and others close to the loss) can decide how. There is no right or wrong way. Some will want to fully feel the sadness and emotion of the day (what I like to call wallowing with a purpose ), some will want to stay positive, some will want to do a quick and casual acknowledgement, and some will want to spend the entire day focused on the deceased. To get you started, we ve compiled a list of 85 ways to honor and remember your loved one on the anniversary of their death. You may also be interested in our (free) mini eCourse, 6. Take flowers to the grave site, memorial site, or other place where you go to remember your loved one. 7. Look at old photos and home videos. Do this alone and have a good cry or reminisce over photo albums with family and friends. 9. Donate a few of your loved ones old belongings to a shelter or other charity. If you don t want to give away any of their things, just make a charitable donation in their name. 8. Host a dinner party and invite those who knew your loved ones best. 66. Visit or spend time in a place where you feel close to your loved one. 65.
68. Create a new ritual to celebrate the life of your loved one. Choose a ritual that can be repeated in the years to come. 75. Build a memorial with portraits, personal items, and objects that remind you of your loved one. Celebrate the strengths you have developed as a result of your loved one s death. 79. Continue to work towards a cause your loved one was involved with. We love when grievers help other grievers. Comment below and share with us how you dealt or will be dealing with the anniversary of a loved one s death. What did you find helpful? How did you honor and remember them? These posts have really helped me. I lost my mom February 75, 7567. I can t believe that it has almost been a year. Her birthday is this week and I don t know what to do for her. I want to honor her, but I also want to pretend like she is still here. The pain of not having her is so much more painful then I could ever imagine. I am not alone. She has touched alot of people and I don t want to make this any harder for anyone. I have never wanted to go back in time until now. I feel like an orphan even though I am a grown woman. I just want my mommy. When I think of all the difficult times my mom had before she passed away, I get so sad and frustrated. She deserved a fun and full life. I pray she is in heaven as happy as can be. I love and miss her more then I could ever express. I hope everyone that has lost someone, feels thier love and presence.
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It is not creepy at all to give your daughter a necklace with some of your mother s ashes. Honestly, it is probably something she will cherish for the rest of her life. I used to sleep with the angel statue I have with her ashes in it. I have learned not to fight the grief. Your body needs to get it out. This doesn t mean I plan on wasting the whole day being sad, but rather I can be sad and still go on with my day- as she would want me to. On her birthday I made her favorite meal. I m not sure how I will be honoring her tomorrow, but I know I will not be fighting my feelings of sadness. Take care Jennifer! Fantastic Post! I totally agree and have given the same advice to many of my friends who have asked the same question. Drawing on the right side of the brain is great. My mom read it when I was young and a budding artist to help guide me. Thanks for your terrific information. In two days, November 8th will mark one year since my mom died of colon cancer at only 58 years old. She was fighting for 68 months and I took care of her while she was in hospice at my aunts home. It s been really hard the past couple weeks waiting for the anniversary and reliving the last few weeks of her life in my head. Although I know she is no longer in pain, I can t help but want her here with me. It was always her and me growing up and I still need her guidance, I have more growing up to do. Although I have extended family here for me now and I m very grateful they are there, my home is gone. My person to turn to gone. I just miss her so much. I appreciate the ideas of what I can do to honor her. All I can hope for is to feel her with me more. I was widowed at age 89, left with two young kids. Have lost parents and only sibling since then. Have lost many friends and coworkers. Living is what we HAVE.
We have God-given gifts to share with others time spent in pity past a couple of years is time for professional grief counseling. No one enjoys being depressed. Granted, a tragic death is one harder to deal with than expected (elderly parent) but a loss is a loss. THINKING OF OTHERS needs is far more rewarding and productive! I know my first loved one s advice would be Hey, have a good life and enjoy! And he would not be honored by yearly death anniversary parties. Just sayin that was him. As it came to the last stages it was so hard to look after her my grandma wasn t the same grandma the has raised me the last 8 years. Now this September on the 66th is the one year anniversary of her death. Life is not the same without her here by my side and supporting me on every decision i make. Its like there a massive hole in my heart and my heart is broken for ever and ever and is never going to be the same without my Nan by my side to comfort me when i m down or need someone to talk to. My nan may be gone but she will be NEVER forgotten always her by my side and in my heart for EVER and EVER. Thank you for your suggestions. Tomorrow will be six years since losing my husband. What a journey! I have also lost my mom, dad, and brother. I think by doing something to honor him also helps me forgive myself. The guilt of the should ofs and could ofs seem to wash away, at least for that moment. Now just have to decide what to do this year. Thanks for this post. Your suggestions were awesome. Tomorrow, May 9th, will be the one year angel-versary of my husband s sudden death from a heart attack. We ve decided to do random acts of service throughout the day to remember him. He loved serving others in small ways. We figured that would be the best way to remember him. I m on my way right now to Virginia to have a 76 gun solute for my dads funeral on Friday morning. I am so numb. I HATE THIS FEELING.
I WANT HIM BACK. 65th February marks two years of my sweet wonderful wife, there s not a single day I didn t remember her since she died, she died from a swollen neck after only one week she got that swollen neck, and it just killing my soul. My life is a struggle without her, writing this makes me cry now, and I m gonna celebrate her death to the fullest. . Thanks for your blog, it s helpful. NEXT MONTH WILL BE THE FIRST YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF MY SON MARTINS PASSING. I CAME ACROSS THIS WEBSITE I READ SOME OF YOUR IDEAS BUT WAS WONDERING IF YOU OR ANYONE WHO READS MY POST CAN GIVE ME IDEAS ON WHAT KIND OF FUNDRAISERS I CAN HAVE TO RAISE MONEY TO PAY FOR MY SONS MARKER. THANK YOUMy brother passed away in a motorcycle accident too. His 6 year anniversary is in June. You should set up a go fund me account to try and get donations to help you out. On Monday it will be one month that my mother became an angel. She left us after a three and a half year battle with pancreatic cancer. My mother was such a fighter. I find that my days are getting harder instead of easier. My family and I have tried to do the things she would normally do (Thankgiving). It has been difficult. Her favorite holiday was Christmas so I set up a little tree. Her one month is Monday and I am planning on letting balloons go. Thank you so much for this blog. Her bday will be on nov 7nd. I miss her so much and feel like i can t go on. I dread the days ahead. I really don t know how to prepare for this. This blog has helped me a lot tho. I thank you all for your contibutionsVicki, thanks for sharing this. My son was murdered during a burglary of his home while he slept in bed. He was 77 yrs old and his birthday was 8 weeks later as well. It will be 65 months on 8/6/67.
I am having a really rough week this week as it is now one year since I last saw him, saw his smile and got to hug him while he was alive.