When I write an, Sabrina and I will usually discuss the content before it goes live. Recently the subject of guys and breakups came up and Sabrina and I went back and forth about what guys generally go through when they breakup. It came down to be too much to put into the article I was writing, so we decided that I should throw it all into an installment of Decoding Male Behavior. To start, I wanted to write this article to dispel some of the misconceptions I ve heard in regards to men and breakups. To dispel the misconceptions, let s take a look at some of the universal truths about guys and breakups some of which may surprise you since they certainly are hidden from the surface. Breakups are hard on all guys. The fact is: If a guy is profoundly obnoxious or terrible after a breakup, it is most often a testament to how rough the breakup was on him.
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Some people cope by lashing out. Etc. In fact, guys like to keep their emotional spectrum focused on a tight range of emotions somewhere between amusement and contentedness. So any interaction that a guy knows will bring him out of that sweet range of emotions is an interaction he s going to do everything he can to avoid. Personally, I have had breakups where I pretty much went cold.
It s not that I simply stopped caring. I wanted her to be OK, I wanted good things for her in life, but I knew that nothing was going to make the situation better. No discussion was going to fix things, no clarity was to be had it would have just been an emotional toilet for both of us. I realize it probably came off jerky, but when I cut off communication, my heart is in the right place. )In the case where you dumped the guy, one common reason is that the guy doesn t want to be alone, he doesn t want to deal with his grief over the breakup and he doesn t want to deal with himself.
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That is to say, he seeks his feeling of validation and worth from how a woman treats him. It s not uncommon for people, men or women, to derive their sense of well-being, self-worth, and self-esteem from how other people treat them. When a person (male or female) realizes that only they themselves can be responsible for their emotions, actions, and reactions they break the chain of seeking a sense of OK-ness externally. For people that haven t yet fully realized that all of us need to be emotionally responsible (which is most people), this is where much of the pain of the breakup originates from (they blame themselves for not measuring up or they blame the other person for not making them happy or a little of both). It s incredibly painful to believe that someone else could be responsible for your emotions or that you could possibly be responsible for their emotions.
It s painful because it s a belief that something that is impossible is could be possible and therefore sets countless impossible expectations into motion. When we believe something that is out of alignment with reality, we suffer To wrap up this point: Most people can t recognize when they believe something impossible, nor can they see the false belief as the source for all of the suffering All they experience is the continuous suffering and they want the suffering to end. I don t think it s that guys don t want to deal with the breakup I think it s more that they wouldn t even know how or where to begin all they feel is suffering and they want it to end. Again, all this was said in the context of if they guy was the one who was dumped.
If this happened in your case, I m sorry I get it and honestly, I think all of us, man and woman, have been there at one time or another. I don t have much to say about it, other than that it sucks and that your best move is to move on, get back out there and date new people. Sure, you could seek closure or try to get your ex back or do any of the things all of us have tried but if I could go back and tell my 65-year-old self a piece of advice about breakups, it would be, If you get dumped, just move on right away. It doesn t mean anything about you, your worth, your attractiveness, your value, etc. It has nothing to do with you, you don t need to understand, you don t need closure.
Move on immediately, you ll save yourself a whole lot of time and heartache. Every guy has a set of core values for who he is, what he stands for, and what he really wants out of life.