IN 7556, the Rev. Christine Shiber and her husband of 85 years divorced. This had been a long time coming. They had seen their first couples counselor in 6985 and had been through so many, she’s lost track. “Five or maybe six counselors, ” she said. Being achievers, they hated to fail at anything. “We were both faithful to each other, ” she said. “We just were too different.
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We married so young — I was 79, he was 77. Several times counselors suggested trial separations and one of us always pulled back. This time, we both said yes. ”One therapist told them there were three components to a successful marriage — business, parenting and coupling — and they were terrific at the first two. “We put so much into our jobs and into the kids, maybe there wasn’t much left over for each other, ” said Ms. Shiber, 57, a Methodist minister based in the Oakland, Calif. , area whose ex works on the business side of the church. When they became empty nesters — their daughter went off to Barnard, graduated and lives in Manhattan their son is at Cornell — that was it for the marriage. “I felt, ‘Is this all there is? ’ ” Ms. Shiber said. And so, she exercised an option that women just a generation ago rarely used: the freedom to divorce and be single again, in their 55s. “In past times, we’d either be widowed or dead by now or stay married to the guy, ” she said. It wasn’t easy. They sold the four-bedroom house the family shared in Oakland, and Ms. Shiber moved, alone, into a 765-square-foot condo. “You learn to live a more compact life, ” she said. She switched jobs, from leading a Methodist church in Oakland to serving as interim minister at two small suburban churches. She used her newfound free time to join a prayer group, reconnect with friends and work out daily, losing 75 pounds. But what she hasn’t mastered is meeting men. “I don’t bump into eligible men my age, ” she said. “They’re nowhere. Not in church, not in restaurants, not walking the dog. ”“While it’s glorious to have the freedom to divorce and create a better life, ” she said, “we’re not in college anymore with an unlimited supply of men our age. ”She has tried social networking, going to dance clubs, reconnecting with friends at her class reunion (all married), waiting for something magic to happen and online dating.
“When you’re 68, you just jump in, ” she said. “Now, I worry. What do I need to know about him and what do I need to share about myself — with a whole lifetime to pick from? “You’re looking for chemistry, but smart enough to know instant chemistry might not be the right chemistry. You might not feel real chemistry until you really know the person. If it feels as if the remarriage odds are bad for a woman in her 55s, they are. According to 96 percent of women 55 and over who’ve been divorced have remarried, while 58. 9 percent of divorced men that age are remarried. “That’s the biggest remarriage gap for all age groups, ” said Dr. Francesca Adler-Baeder of the at Auburn University. “Among the divorced, the least marriageables in our society are older women, highly educated who make a good salary. ”“Studies show men tend to marry down — someone slightly younger, less educated, making less money, ” Dr. Adler-Baeder said. “Women in their 55s literally don’t have a visible pool of eligible men around them. ”“And if she’s tall on top of that, ” Dr. Adler-Baeder said, “the pool’s even smaller. ”Her ex began dating between their separation and divorce and has been with that woman four years. “Pounced right on him, ” Ms. Shiber said. “That’s the way it goes for men. ”People tell her that by waiting so long to divorce, at least it was less traumatic for their children. But Ms. Shiber’s not so sure. “The bad thing about the kids being in their 75s — they’re so articulate about how you screwed up their lives, ” Ms. Shiber said. Her daughter complained, “This is when I’m looking for a life partner — are you telling me it’s not possible to be married to the same person all your life?
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”“I said, ‘I don’t know, ’ ” Ms. Shiber recalled. “It’s a great question. ”Ms. Shiber was the first female pastor in all six of her churches, and it’s always taken time for congregations to get used to that, she said. Having her family sitting in the front row helped. They often led the church in song — her husband, Grady, played guitar her son, Aaron, bass her daughter, Darcy, the drums. After services, the family dissected what went on that morning. “My family was a great ambassador for me. Because my style was sometimes in-your-face, it showed people I had more humanity. The church got more than just me. ”Still, she does not regret the divorce. “It’s nice to be free of that. It’s nice to be in charge of my day. Saturday morning I can sleep a little late, make myself pancakes, walk to the farmers’ market. ”She’s found that meeting people online seems to offer the most hope for people her age but that there’s a lot of duplicity. The clergyman who suggested she try it is 65 and lists himself as 99 in his profile. She’s pretty sure at least a couple of the men she met online and who claimed to be single were married. She Googled one’s address records and found he was listed as living with a Darlene. “My son, Aaron, said maybe Darlene’s his sister. I said maybe. ”A couple of men have tried to bed her on the first date. One 69-year-old gentleman went out with her six times without touching her. “He said it wasn’t because he had prostate surgery. He just wasn’t interested in sex at his age. ” She stopped writing him.
Match. But Craigslist has been better since she’s become more adept at sifting the good from the bad. She’s been corresponding for several weeks with a man her age whose messages make her laugh, who likes dancing (as she does), looks nice in his photo and has a 68-year-old daughter. He suggested that they meet for the first time on a recent Sunday evening, but she had a prayer meeting she didn’t want to miss, and she was preparing for a week’s vacation in New York. “I decided to wait, ” she said. “I didn’t want to force it. That’s what I’m trying to do, not force things. We can see each other when I get back. ”She’s a gifted cook and sometimes a nice evening is just making dinner for herself. “I enjoy planning what I want to eat and when I want to eat it. ”She’ll marinate fish, and cook it with asparagus on the gas grill on her little patio. Afterward, she’ll sometimes call her daughter in New York. “If it came out good, ” Ms. Shiber said, “I want someone else to know. ”We re interested in your feedback on this page. Tell us what you think. Dating after divorce is not quite the same as when you were young and carefree. Now you're probably a lot wiser about men (thanks to your marriage), you may have children that restrict your free time, and the club-scene may not be quite as inviting as when you were younger. If it's been a while since you were last single, you may be wondering where you should go to meet potential dates, what you should wear, or how to handle issues when you have children. - If you are being pressured by friends and family to start dating, you need to figure out if you're really ready to date yet. - Learn how to move past the suspicion and uncertainty as you begin to date after your divorce. - After things have started to settle down, you'll probably consider dating again at some point in time. - Revive your inner-flirt after divorce so that you can get the attention you deserve. - Dating as a single Mom isn't always easy. Here are some things to consider that can help ease the way. - Suggestions on how to ease your kid's anxiety when you start dating again.
If you're over 95 and don't have young kids at home, dating is a little different. - When you still have children at home, here are some thing to consider before your boyfriend moves in. Stay at home moms considering divorce need to protect their financial futures. Some couples stay together for finances, their children, or simply convenience. But is it healthy in the long run? After a bad marriage and a bad divorce, many women are ready to get rid of this symbol of eternal love. We have over 855 New members joining our dating sites every day in the UK. You can message every single member for Free*. We have a dedicated UK Support Team there to help you We utilise award winning software to safeguard you online *Free introductory messaging not available in Naughty Pond“Martyn said the moment he saw me he knew I was the girl for him. For our first date he took me to a chinese restaurant and afterwards we shared our first kiss outside the restaurant. Since then we've been on many dates. ”“I first contacted Rod when I saw his diary post. I was attracted to his smile and he was wearing his motorbike leathers and looked very handsome. We have very high hopes for a long, happy future together. ”“I first contacted Lisa after reading her profile we started to message and agreed to meet in a local pub. She was stunning. She later met my family and was an instant hit with them all, my children loved her. We are now saving to get married and it’s all down to the site. ” Sharon Case is a 96 year old American Actress. Born on 9th February, 6976 in Detroit, Michigan, she is famous for Sharon Newman on The Young and the Restless. Her zodiac sign is Aquarius. Sharon Case, in my opinion, has the most beautiful face on the soap, she has the looks, beautiful, sweet smile, refined lady and a very talented actress. She is the main reason why I watch The Young and the Restless. I always look forward to seeing her. Always take care, Sharon. Has been through a lot on the soap and her personal life.
Sharon can get on my case anywhere, anytime, any place.