And nine times out of ten, what they re asking for is permission to break up with their significant other because they can t manage to convince themselves that they need to. One of the most perverse aspects of being human is how hard we fight against our own best interests. Our brains are prone to a host of psychological effects and fallacies that convince us that we shouldn t finally pull the trigger and, even though it s making us miserable. Maybe you ve had a friend who knows he needed to dump their toxic girlfriend. Maybe you got tired of slamming your head into the brick wall of their obstinacy as you watched their drama and misery unfold in real time on Facebook, stunned that they didn t realize how miserable they are. Maybe you were the one who needed to break up with your partner. God knows I was. The good news is that once you recognize these stalling tactics for what they are, you can learn to overcome them.
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Here are some of the ways you make it so much harder to break up with someone even when you know you need to. Feeling trapped probably means I should end it, but, I m feeling pretty conflicted about a lot of things. Like many nerdy people, my hobbies don t bring me in to social circles which contain a lot of women, so, dating has always been an uphill battle. Repeated rejection really wore down my sense of self-worth, and had me totally convinced that I was totally undateable. When I finally met someone (online) who seemed to really like and appreciate me, it completely blew my mind, and I felt on top of the world.
So, we chat for ages, find lots of similar interests, have all kinds of interesting conversations, things seem to be going great behind the sanitizing curtain of the internet. There are some issues that come up that I m sure I can handle. She smokes, I don t. She drinks, I don t. She s pretty overweight, but, hell, I could lose a few pounds too.
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I like to go out with friends and play games, she s more a quiet, stay-at-home type. That s cool! I can deal with all that. Except when we meet in person, I find out I can t. The smell of cigarettes gets in to everything and makes me nauseous.
I really dislike dealing with her when she s drunk. I thought I didn t mind her weight but it turns me off and I don t really enjoy sex with her. I want to go out and do things, and she doesn t, so I feel guilty for leaving and doing things without her. Every visit, I d leave not sure if I wanted to be with this person but as soon as I d come home loneliness and nostalgia set in and suddenly I m thinking Well, it s probably not as bad as all that. I can deal with this.
Even though I KNOW THIS IS TOTALLY INSANE. I KNOW it will be just as bad when I go back. I KNOW it s not going to get better. As much as I m a non-confrontational person, I ve tried to do some prodding about these issues, and I ve been met with firm resistance. She does NOT think she should have to change for my sake.
After all, I said I could handle all this. I KNEW about these problems.