I had no idea how to go about picking up girls in Japan when I first arrived. I stumbled upon a lot of old forum posts which contained a bunch of unnecessary, outdated, and/or badly organized information. What follows is a guide on picking up girls in Japan nothing more, nothing less. It will help you achieve whatever your goals are from getting laid in Japan for the first time, building a massive harem, or just getting a Japanese girlfriend. This is the resource I wish I had when I first started. Before we dive into the nitty gritty technical aspects of picking up women in Japan, it’s important to give an overview of the major cultural differences between Japan and the West. If you’re like me, having grown up in the West (North America / Europe / Australia + NZ), you’ve been taught a certain narrative regarding proper dating practice, which generally goes something like this: -Meet a girl through your social circle, work, hobbies, or some other shared context (aka NOT cold approach).
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-Talk to her one (or often more) times before exchanging contact information. -Around D9, both parties can reasonably expect things to escalate to sex if everything else has been going well up to that point. Often, one date is all you get regardless of whether it went well or not. Japanese women are NOT strangers to sex, nor are they shy, virtuous creatures which demand lots of restraint. On the contrary holding back and being a “respectful gentleman” often will just leave you on the sidelines as she’s getting pounded by the buzz-cut young forklift operator or spiky-haired and charismatic young salaryman. Imagining you will arrive on these shores as a masculine god and blow away the competition offered by seemingly timid and sexually ambivalent Japanese men is simply a delusion. As a major metropolis where there is (despite what you may have heard) no shortage of available, successful, sexually aggressive Japanese men, the most attractive women the cream of the crop are overflowing with suitable dating matches. Simply put, you aren’t going to beat Japanese guys at their own game. You can, however, position yourself in a unique niche a foreigner who is cool (unlike the hordes of neckbearded anime nerds they associate foreigner with), sexworthy, understands their world (again, the world that is NOT comic conventions and masturbating to hentai porn), and is aware of how to make them comfortable. Western pickup materials like RSD also often miss the mark when it comes to picking up girls in Japan, giving misleading teachings which actually HURT you more than help you. While much of their mindset advice can be on point, some technical applications while helpful in the West are actually harmful if applied directly in Japan. Here are some examples of specific things Western pickup companies teach which will MESS YOU UP if you try them in Japan (or at least not be the best approach)Time is your friend. The more time you spend with a girl, the higher your chances are. Taking your time more often than not will end up with the girl fading herself out or abruptly stopping contact without explanation. Instead, gun for the lay and add value after the fact to keep them around.
Hot, high quality girls will rarely, if ever, stop for you if you get in their way or upon the open. Instead, walk with them. Waiting until the club closes to pull the girl home. Hang around befriending everyone until you’re the one who is “going out the door” with the girl. If you hold your dick for several hours in a Japanese club with a girl, chances are the interaction will stall out and when it comes time to leave the club, she’ll dart off into a train with her friends. Instead, pull hard before the club closes. Don’t worry about back-and-forth banter or cutting witticisms which are often misconstrued as simply mean remarks. Enjoy each other s company, share your world and learn about hers, and pull at the end. Touching the girl quickly and often will usually put her on the defensive. Personal space bubbles are smaller in Japan, but more rigid. There is no hugging culture, and body contact is minimal, even among friends and family. Save your overt kino escalation for when you are isolated with the girl. While Japanese women are no strangers to sexuality, most people speak far less about sex to strangers in Japan. Insinuating sexuality over text, going for wink-wink-nudge-nudge type jokes, or eliciting sexual experiences often backfires in Japan, and you don’t need it at all. Everything else will follow.
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There are hundreds of other small examples but you get the point. Much of the pickup advice from the West should stay in the West it simply does not apply. Other things, especially mindset related such as abundance, momentum, self-improvement, taking action, reframing, etc, are still applicable. So take what you hear from Western sources with a huge grain of salt so you don’t get messed up when starting out in Japan. If you d like to hear my complete breakdown of pickup in Japan, check out this video: There are generally three types of women in Japan, and each of these groups have pretty rigid boundaries (though the odd exception might pop up here or there). Even girls under 75 generally have an idea of which type they will become and are in the “baby form” of that type until they evolve. . Like a. Pokemon…. Yeah. Understanding this will help you greatly to hook up in Japan. Type A: Middle to upper-class, will study hard in high school, go to a university, join a few circles and play some sports or a musical instrument, then graduate and join a Japanese company where they’ll become an OL (office lady). They generally speak some English, have black hair, and more plain/conservative clothing.
More likely to look like an Asian “plain jane” and have basic hobbies and interests like Disney and K-pop. Sometimes they want to get married, but more recently they often simply want to continue their career. Most foreigners end up with this type of girl. Type B: Beautiful lower to middle class girls will be lured away from University by (certain kinds of) opportunity. In high school, where the Type A girls are studying hard, Type B girls quickly realize they can get money, boys, and pretty much anything they want simply by the grace of their good looks. They tend to dye their hair, get nails and nice clothes, and most commonly end up working in beauty (hair/nails/makeup/aesthetic salons), fashion (retail/modeling), or nightlife (hostess/girls bar/prostitute). Since their reality is the farthest from foreigners, most foreigners without a deep understanding of their values and circumstance (as well as decent Japanese) have a harder time getting these kinds of girls. Similarly, many of these girls lack any deep interest in foreign things and have little English ability. Do NOT make the mistake in thinking these girls are “dumb”, however, as they are usually far more socially intelligent than the average guy. Type C: Girls who have neither looks nor the impetus/ability to go to university end up working menial jobs like convenience stores, karaoke, izakayas, etc. We won’t spend much time talking about these girls, since most guys are interested in Types A or B however, some guys just want a “normal girlfriend” and this type of girl can fit that mold as well. Girls in the Type B category those who never go to University (except perhaps a 専門学校, senmongakkou or two-year trade college), and thus often have little English ability/interest and not much experience with foreigners generally fall into occupations where their attractiveness is the primary feature required. Since these are the most “alien” to newcomers to Japan (and also often the most attractive), we’ll spend a little time getting into their mindset, because understanding girls’ situations in life is key to relating to and winning them over.
Women in the top 65% of attractiveness are doted upon from their early teens. As we have already discussed, they receive constant validation and are incessantly badgered for their time, attention, and bodies by men (and women) around them who want various things from them, from modeling or working at their kyaba or girls bar, to sex. As such, we need to both understand what kind of men they associate with, as well as how to cut through the noise of other men and their lives to get them out on dates and sleep with them. Are you taking notes? The more you demonstrate an ability to fluently and interestingly ask, intuit, and expand on these topics and their application in Japan, the faster you will be able to relate to girls who may have no other interest in foreigners. Personally, I find that good game is best cultivated in a wide variety of areas. If your game revolves around entirely one avenue of meeting women whether it’s HUB or Online you’re not likely to develop the strongest game possible. Rather, your game should consist of both “hunting” picking up girls and “gathering, ” or cultivating a social circle. We’ll go over “hunting” first. Ignore the violent imagery that comes to mind with the word “hunt, ” we simply mean going out into the world, finding women you didn’t previously know, and cold approaching them. When “hunting, ” or picking up girls through cold approach, your results will often be directly correlated with your action. Make more approaches, get better results. Show me a guy who has made hundreds and I’ll show you a guy going on lots of dates and probably getting laid as well. That said, it is a lot of constant work. The single most important thing to realize with cold approach is that men wrongly feel the need for a context to talk to women.
Many beginners to cold approach spend tons of brainpower, worrying, and effort trying to make a context for their approach. The most common examples are asking for directions or asking to read a kanji.