Before we start talking about Dating in Japan one thing should be crystal clear: If you ve ever been to Japan you might have noticed that there s a tremendous number of (often not so handsome) foreign guys walking hand-in-hand with Japanese women. And at the same time there s only a very tiny number of foreign (read: non-Asian) women with Japanese men next to them. A lot of Japanese women want a guy that tells them several times a day how much he loves them. For some reason (maybe through the consumption of too many Hollywood movies) Japanese women think that foreign men are like that! They re not afraid of showing their feelings in public or telling their girls flat out how they feel about them. These are just a few theories by friends, co-workers and myself.
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I m sure you have your own and there s much more behind all this, but that s it for starters, I guess. It is by far not impossible and I know quite a few girls who don t only have a Japanese boyfriend, but are also married to a Japanese man, but it is still the BIG exception! It might be a different story in bigger cities such as Tokyo and Osaka with a more international community, but in smaller cities and in the countryside with more traditional ideals it can be very difficult for foreign women. Please note that the following is based on my personal experience and that not everybody out there is like that. Although they live in Japan and sometimes even have children together who also speak Japanese, the foreign guys don t / can t speak Japanese. One big problem seems to be the fact that in Japan the man earns the money, but the woman takes care of it! The man only gets a small allowance every week or month and needs to ask his wife for permission if he wants to spend any more of his own hard-earned money! Foreign guys often seem to struggle with this system. Because of all that I ve seen couples who got divorced, even when there were kids involved. For the opposite constellation you ll see that in most(! ) cases the woman speaks Japanese. She has studied Japanese properly or puts in a lot of effort to improve her Japanese ability even if the Japanese man can speak her native tongue. They know how to survive in Japan even without the help of their husband / boyfriend who is at work most of the time anyways. The man seems to accept that she wants to keep working even after marriage. And even those who haven t seem to accept that there are cultural differences and they don t expect the same they would from a Japanese woman. Of course, there are enough reasons for disputes, but all in all they seem to manage better than couples where the man is foreign. If you still want to read more, here are some great books on Dating in Japan: LOL. It s true that it s a shame that I was not interested in Japan when I was young and single, that would have be very fun I suspect. :
-)Thank you very much. That s a great idea and I m working on it! I ll definitely post about it soon! : DMany of my male friends have told me (while quite drunk) that they feel they might not be suitable for foreign ladies due to their Japanese size. I guess it is a delicate matter even though people say that it doesn t matter. So the Japanese guys go for the girls that they think are more compatible in that area. My work schedule to China/Japan was changed, with no chance for an inexpensive massage, so I arrived in MIA without having one in a while. I needed one pretty bad. I asked a bunch of people walking around no one knew where to go kept walking and saw a Massage sign across the parking lot of the closest grocery store. Finally! On arrival found out all the women working there were Chinese. Once in the room, the lady told me to take off all my clothes I m OK with that, now that I m not a kid. It is just a little unsettling now not a MAJOR ORDEAL like it used to be. Her massage was really great. I do massage for family and friends, and when I got a massage that is crap, it is quite frustrating. During the massage she told me she moved to NYC from China, and lived there a few years before moving to MIA. She told me she had a US boyfriend in NYC and it was very nice. Out of the blue she said that the guys in the US were bigger than the Chinese guys. She said they weren t longer, but were thicker (and then showed me with her hands, to emphasize the point!
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), and she really liked that feature about the US guys. It seemed to me she had done a lot of massages and seen a lot of Chinese and US guys. Note: I read that a guy s size has not much to do with their height, and nothing to do with their shoe size. What correlates is the length of their index fingers, relative to the size of their hands/bodies. So, guys with proportionally longer index fingers are longer but as the Chinese lady said, she didn t care how long they were and I ve never read anything about girth sizes or how you can tell how Phat someone is. Based on what I have seen in Japan, and what I have read, I would recommend the ladies DEFINITELY take the initiative in Japan, whether it s to ask a Japanese guy our, or a Gaijin (sp? ) guy out. I know that I would MUCH rather date/marry an American girl who lives(ed) in HKG or NRT/NGO, rather than one who lives in Duck Creek, WI, and is clueless (the place actually exists! ! ). Hi hi: ) Yes I d love to contribute, thanks! Blimey, you are a master of generalisation aren t you! You think men are more interested in the horizontal mambo than women? Think again. Also if you want to say sex, just say it, don t use twee little euphemisms, this is 7569, we all know what sex is. Mind, most of my acquaintances and friends that got married to a Japanese party have studied Japanese studies, so there you go. But more women got married to Japanese men than men married to Japanese women, hmm I don t really recall anyone ever trying to pick me up, although I do regularly receive compliments. Only pick-up I had was in Akihabara when an otaku asked me if I wanted to go to a love hotel in front of the Kotobukiya ahem I ve noticed that a few of my foreign friends do get a lot of attention from Japanese men though.
Most of that is in the lewd category though, i. E. I think it s a very complicated topic as you can see with all the diverse comments here, but I think we can all agree that usually we see much more couples on the street where there s a Western guy and a Japanese woman and not vice versa and there s gotta be a reason for that. Dating in any culture is interesting but then to thrown in cross-cultural dating with all the hidden agendas is a complicated load to deal with. What seems to be missing is a true connection and intimacy. But in the end, I m a believer in fate and that the right person shows up at the right time. Just like the Asian story of when two people are born there s a metaphoric red string that draws them closer together until they meet. So I guess the lesson is not to settle in life. I totally agree and I like the idea of the red string, although I personally don t believe in it. Whoa, back up. You write a lot of thoughtful pieces, and don t often repeat the well-worn myths about Japan, but saying that Japan is a good place for guys to meet women? Say what? You re right about the woman s perspective, but are you sure you want to speak for the guys too? As a handsome foreign guy, I ll let you in on a secret. Japan s a terrible place to meet chicks. If you re a good-looking guy with a reasonable amount of game, your odds are better back home. Lots of foreign guys end up with really average (and below average) Japanese women after being in the bars every night of the week looking. If you re a guy thinking you re going to come to Japan and have an easy time of it, forget it. You ll get a ton of attention, as Japanese women are shameless flirts, but make no mistake, they re playing a calculated game. Guys with skills will do better elsewhere.
The men who stay all end up getting married, right? But and I hate to be crass here from a guy s perspective, why get married if you can get all the women you want for free? The reality is, hooking up with Japanese chicks is a ton of work. Can you do it if you stay out late every night? Sure, you ll take home something eventually. But you can do that anywhere. If you really want the guy s perspective, from someone with how to put this delicately? A ton of experience on this subject, then maybe we can do a cross-post. I guess that wasn t so delicate, huh? Anyway, you re always welcome at Japanese Rule of 7. I love your writing, but I think you re a bit off the mark here. What you said makes perfect sense to me. If you are a western guy with decent social skills, you might do better elsewhere. It would be misleading to think that once you get to Japan, you will immediately meet a lot of high quality chicks ready to date you. Having said this, if you are willing to put effort into understanding the culture, nothing will stop you from dating Japanese girls. But this is a very different mindset from get as many chicks as possible, and you will generally need something other than going to a bar and hitting on girls randomly. As a foreign woman that has dated the locals in Asia, I know that the scene can be a tough place for a western woman trying to snag a Japanese/Chinese/Korean/whatever guy. When I first came to Japan I thought the western men had it easy, too. I thought: man, they could just sit on a park bench and after 5 minutes—bam!
Have flocks of women come to them without lifting a finger! In contrast, western women have to put in a ton of effort just to get a guy to respond back to a text message. But then, after living in Japan (and later China) for a long time, I started to spend more time with your average Japanese woman at the office. I also started to see what kind of Japanese women my western-man-friends were typically dating.