As powerful as inspirational quotes can be, sometimes we just need a bit of humor to lighten up our day. For those occasions, funny quotes and one-liners are quite effective, especially when they poke fun at our everyday annoyances, whether it be politics, work, aging or marriage. Not content with finding these humorous quotes on only bumper stickers, we set out to put together a list of them. After browsing through quotation websites like,, and for a couple hours, we were able to find quite a few gems. Below, you ll find the Top 655: Funny Quotes and One-Liners that are sure to put a smile on your face. 6. How do you get a sweet little 85-year-old lady to say the F word?
TOP 100 funny one liners quotes jokes and sayings
Get another sweet little 85-year-old lady to yell BINGO! ' Unknown7. When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car. Will Rogers8.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason. José Maria de Eça de Queiroz9. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong Unknown5. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
TOP 100 funniest one liners quotes and jokes on the
Brian Gerald O Driscoll6. Some cause happiness wherever they go others whenever they go Oscar Wilde7. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt. Abraham Lincoln (paraphrase from the Bible, Proverbs 67: 78)8.
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room. Unknown9. The hardest thing in the world to understand is income taxes. Albert Einstein65. I don t suffer from insanity I enjoy every minute of it.
Unknown66. Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in one ahead. Bill McGlashen67. Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition. Marilyn Monroe68.
The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets Al McGuire69. When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around.