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Ok, I m not an expert on dating advice, and I don t really have the holy grail on getting laid on. But I ve been on there for some time, so I thought I ll give you guys a glimpse at the other side and maybe you ll understand why you never heard back from that hot chick you winked 78 times. In case you can t quite tell that s 899 messages, 696 winks. Yeah, I was shocked, too. As you can see, messages trickle in almost every other minute (times are local to the sender ). Because one inbox page only shows ten messages, I d have to go through 85 pages just to see them all. I m not gonna do that. What to do?

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Do you really expect me to accept a collect mail when I have my inbox bursting at the seams with other guys? You d have to be Brad Pitt for me to pay for collect. And I doubt he d be so cheap to make me. Lefty really got nothing right. Douchebag.

Look, I m not a gold digger and if we meet, I won t expect you to pay for my coffee. In fact, if I like you, I may even pay for yours. And that s the key if I like you. I won t pay for your message when I have no clue who you are. And even if your profile shows a Mr.

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Perfect, I d wonder how Mr. Perfect can be so cheap. In short: Don t do it. Your user name, that is.

There really are only three things to see when I scan over those messages: picture, name and the subject line. You see how important that moniker becomes? Choose one that makes me want to click to your profile something about you or something funny. TallTexan is pretty good, but what the hell is twiz86?

No idea next! It s a fine line though between funny and trying too hard. Oh, and btw, anything alluding to the size of your custard launcher is about as appealing as Bob the Flasher flaunting his junk at the street corner. 56 messages, much better. I may actually have a quick glance over all six pages.

But I ll only open a few. Which ones?

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