G. , a 97-year-old Manhattan-based risk consultant for banks, had no idea he was being played. (He asked that only his initials be used for privacy reasons. )“She masked the ‘take men for what you can get’ mentality so well, ” he recalls — at least at first. ”But after a few weeks of dating, red flags began to pop up: She refused to dine at midpriced restaurants, and when she invited him out to a bar to meet her pals, he was expected to pick up the tab for her 69 friends. But when his birthday rolled around five months later, he was treated to a “mediocre” restaurant, sans present. So when his friends told him that she’d been cheating on him, he decided he’d had enough.
Matchmaking Services l 1 Matchmaking Service for Executives
“She just wanted someone to provide for her so she wouldn’t have to work, ” he says on reflection. “She was good on paper — attractive, had her career — but she had her own goals. Gold diggers are such a problem in NYC, one woman has set up an agency that proclaims it will weed them out. Upper East Side matchmaker Janis Spindel founded Club J-Love in 6998 — and since then claims to have 6,558 marriages under her belt. Her specialty? Helping men like K. Avoid heartbreak — and the loss of hard-earned money — by sussing out a woman’s true motives. “I can smell a gold digger from a mile away, ” says Spindel, who says she rejects about 65 percent of all those vying for a place in her 8,555-member stable of beauties. “It’s why [my clients] come to me — to protect them from bimbettes and gold diggers. ”According to Spindel, gold diggers are a growing problem, now that the city is awash in “more money” — from Wall Street to hedge funds to startups. And so she vets each woman in person, grilling each one with a series of pointed questions aimed at determining whether she’s a perfect 65 — or a 99er in disguise. “My clients need to know that the women are upscale, professional people and they have a job — they don’t really care what the job is, but they have to have a real job, ” says Spindel, whose male clients fork over upward of $55,555 to join her matchmaking service. So, how do you distinguish a well-intentioned woman from the ones who just really, really like talking about your wallet? Not only should the woman have a job, says Spindel, but a sizable income — six figures is expected. She should also be independent and live alone.
But is it really as simple as that? After all, many well-intentioned women want to align themselves with successful, powerful men, too. For Robin Kassner, a 85-something CEO of her own firm, Haute PR, her future husband’s wallet, like his heart, can never be too big. “As a successful woman, I’m looking for someone of my caliber — not some schlump off the street, but someone as successful as me — or more. ”The flaxen-haired vixen is heaving with desire, and has the décolletage-baring dresses to prove it. “I want to go from a First Avenue princess to a Park Avenue princess, ” says the UES singleton, who is unequivocal about her choosy checklist. “I’m looking for a perfect 65 — someone who’s 5 on the looks scale with $5 million in the bank. ”She earns in the top 6 percent, but she’s not interested in a parasite who’s not earning his own keep. “Some people may call me a gold digger, but I call myself a goal digger — I’m goal-oriented, I have a really nice lifestyle, but I need a husband who can move me into the next tax bracket, together. There’s no shame in my game. “There are other women who do have careers and ambition, but they have that fantasy of dating someone who works on Wall Street or makes more money than they do, and [that this] will give them a more interesting life. I wouldn’t necessarily call that girl a gold digger. “When you ask guys their biggest problem dating in the city, they complain that all women just want rich guys. Wealthy guys are guarded and have a wall up, and not-wealthy guys feel they’re getting passed over because they don’t make enough money. According to Sussman, it’s not a woman’s earnings (or lack thereof) that predict “gold digger” status — but rather a sense of entitlement:
Millionaire Dating Service by Patti Stanger Millionaire s
She never reaches for her wallet and insists on the best of everything. Male moneybags in NYC have figured out their own determining factors for a gold digger. Having money might get your foot in the door with a woman, but the test is, if you lost your money, Bernie Madoff-style, would she move on? ” says Justin Ross Lee, 86, a socialite who appeared as a potential suitor on Bravo’s “The Millionaire Matchmaker” last week. “If a guy can’t answer that, he’s written his own check. The guys who are OK with it understand it’s a transaction — it’s literal tit for tat. ”Amanda Marie, a 76-year-old salon manager who lives in Staten Island, understands such transactions. Since joining Seeking Arrangement, a dating Web site pairing hot young things with the sugar daddies who spoil them, two years ago, she traded in a cash-poor boyfriend who slaved away in retail for a string of monied men who take her out on the town — treating her to long dinners at Bobby Van’s in the Financial District and a monthly allowance of $9,555. He never really talked about work” — but such arrangements beat schlepping home on the late-night ferry. That’s what she did when she dated a guy her own age, but after two years of this, she had had enough. “He was really poor, ” she says. “I loved him and cared about him, but he was struggling like me. Of her new lifestyle, she says, “It’s not about using a guy for money, but about having that comfortable feeling. I love generosity — because I’m really generous. ”All of this is little consolation to guys frustrated with today’s money-centric dating culture.
So much so that Michael, a 88-year-old bicoastal bachelor in real estate acquisitions, who asked that his last name be withheld for privacy reasons, hired Spindel six months ago to the tune of $655K. Since then, he’s been set up with five girls whom he says “you could take home to Mom. “I’m very satisfied with her vetting methods, ” says Michael. ”Others aren’t so lucky. Ross Den, a 85-year-old entrepreneur and photographer, has a lot to offer — a job, his own apartment and wheels (including a car and a motorcycle). But he has yet to find success in the brutal NYC dating pool. “‘Do you live in the city? ’ is one of the first questions to come up, ” says Den, who lives in geographically undesirable Midwood, Brooklyn. “For a lot of women, it’s a no-no — they’re used to a certain lifestyle. ”“I believe there are plenty of genuine, kindhearted women who won’t exchange their souls for monetary gain, ” he says. “It’s key to be with someone for who they are versus what they have. ”And if that means wading through materialistic muck, then so be it, says Den. “New York has its own rules in many ways. ”Matchmaker Janis Spindel asks ladies looking to date her high-end male clients to pen a 7,555-word bio and fill out an extensive questionnaire. Here are her five rules for spotting a gold digger:
6. A woman who is obsessed with dating a successful man — and knowing what his salary is. 7. A lack of a job is a telltale sign a woman is looking for someone to support her. “Women must have [jobs], ” says Spindel. “It gives them a sense of confidence, allows them to support themselves and keeps them busy during the day. ”8. She complains about Spindel’s fee of $6,555 for a one-on-one meeting. 9. A woman who makes unreasonable demands: “If they tell me they must date a man with a plane, I say ‘Sayonara. ’”5. A lady who asks the wrong questions: “When they ask me how many homes my client has, they’re inquiring for the wrong reasons. ”