Cracked only offers comment voting to subscribing members. Subscribers also have access to loads of hidden content. And wield the awesome power of the thumb. As jet-setting, high-life-living internet comedy writers, we here at Cracked are pretty much awash in chicks. Even those of us who are chicks do alright with the ladies. So honestly, we don't have much use for internet dating sites. But we understand not everyone is so lucky. So please realize, when we recently visited several dating sites and found that some of them were, to put it mildly, less than a good idea, it was just in the name of research.
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You know, for your benefit. You're welcome. Prison chicks so desperate they might even have sex with a loser like you! Before our resident conservatives get all indignant about how the prison system is like a big country club, we'll have you know that women in prison, for the most part, don't have internet access. Dude, she totally wants it!
To post a profile, they have to mail a handwritten bio, including date of birth, the state where they are currently incarcerated and expected release date. They also have to send what one can only hope is a recent picture. What they don't send are the details about what got them locked up. To find that out, you'll have to click the add to cart button next to your lady love's profile. For a nominal fee, you get her mailing address so you can send her a letter.
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It's like 6985 up in this piece! Let's get the obvious out of the way here. There are some high-end dating sites that actually check for criminal backgrounds before allowing people to sign up. At Women Behind Bars, the criminal background is the only prerequisite. This means most dudes will find themselves way in over their innocent little heads, no matter how tough they make themselves out to be on their MySpace page.
But believe it or not, it gets more ominous than that. Look through the profiles on Women Behind Bars and you'll notice a disturbing trend. Most of the ladies. Well. Look like criminals.
And they have release dates to match. But as luck would have it, the handful that happen to be kind of attractive also happen to be getting out soon. In some cases, real soon. Now would be a good time to mention a fun fact about Women Behind Bars: they don't even try to verify that the pictures they receive are actually of the inmate.