There s an obsession with the concept of value and status when you re dealing with men s dating advice. The idea is that, when you boil everything down, women are attracted to high-value, high-status men therefore, men who want to be more successful with women should be as high-value as possible. The problem is that they re wrong about what a high-status man is. Don t get me wrong: having social status and value is definitely attractive. It s just that we so often go about mistaking status for other things. For example: the first common mistake is in how value gets defined.
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Value and status are often erroneously distilled into a single attribute. The most common definitions of high-value or high-status men is in the measure of their material wealth. In my own life I ve known many men of privilege ranging from comfortably well-to-do to richer than God who had the same troubles with women that I did. Money by itself clearly didn t buy love for them it didn t even give them that much of an advantage at the negotiating table. What about power?
This one. Not the one with the hair and the codpiece. And to be fair, people are attracted to power. But at the same time, Kissinger was also a political animal who thrived in a world of influence-peddling and this is not an arena where the socially awkward get ahead. One doesn t get to be the secretary of state to two presidents without having an ability to charm others and after all, a man who was able to negotiate détente with Russia isn t going to be flummoxed by a pretty lady.
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What about fame? It certainly helps Kevin Bacon once mentioned that any idiot can get laid if they were famous. But it s clearly not the end-all, be-all after all, Ray-J isn t exactly the last of the Red Hot Lovers despite having been propelled to momentary stardom by association with Kim Kardashian. Does a socially desirable job make one higher status? I ve known plenty of lawyers, doctors, actors, musicians and DJs who have all had miserable dating lives.
What about athletes everybody remembers how popular the jocks were in high-school and college after all? The short answer is that they have value and status of a sort. But not quite in the way that you think. You see, the second mistake is to assume that value and status are universal that certain things are always going to be respected more highly across the board, regardless of when and where they occur. The scene girl isn t going to flock to a lawyer in an Armani suit, not when Jimmy Urine from Mindless Self Indulgence is around.
During my time on the comic-con circuit, I often found myself seated next to the porn stars in artist s alley While they were always willing to interact and pose with the men who came by, they kept a professional detachment, even when the men were startlingly good looking. However, they would literally fall all over themselves to flirt with George Perez. So yes, the jocks in high-school do have value within the context of high-school. And even then, it s only in people who value high-school sports. So in West Texas, the football player may be a god among men, but if you drop him in the middle of Manhattan well, he s just another guy.
So if having value and status makes you more attractive, then clearly the best thing you can do is convince others you have it. One of the common complaints I d heard during my time on the Austin dating scene was that every guy was telling women that either he was a photographer (the better to invite them back to his studio for ahem art photos) or in a band.