Emotional Attraction The Key to a Deep Connection


I wonder how many marriages end because of infidelity with the cheating spouse living with regret I wonder how many marriages end because of infidelity with the cheating spouse living with regret about their decisions. I wonder that once they make that decision, how difficult it is to turn around and admit how wrong they were. This weekend we met up with some of our old college friends and Doug’s fraternity brothers for an enjoyable night out. Some of these guys we haven’t seen in over twenty years. It was fun catching up on everyone’s lives, reliving old antics and feeling twenty again. For me it was especially enjoyable because I was the only woman there who could completely appreciate all the old college stories because I lived them as well. Doug and I met when we were freshman and I was definitely a permanent figure at the fraternity house. I had a feeling of comfort knowing that Doug and I have come so far and lived so much of our lives together.

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It was truly a confirmation that bonds a couple like no other. If you re the unfaithful, get it, read it and carefully consider the advice. If you re the betrayed, give it to your unfaithful spouse. It was very disturbing to find out several of the men who were with us are (or have been) divorced, with one friend being on his third marriage. I listened intently to all the complications that have developed as a result of divorce. There’s the switching back and forth of children, trying to move closer to the ex-wife to be closer to the kids, etc. It was overwhelming to hear, and I wonder if they could have looked into the future, would they have tried harder to save the marriage. I met one woman who was the “friend” of one of Doug’s frat brothers who also is divorced. As we began talking, I found out that ironically her daughter attends the same school and plays on the same soccer team as our daughters do. We had a lot in common and talked for quite a long time. She was telling me about how difficult it is being divorced and sharing custody of her children. She said there isn’t a minute that passes when there isn’t some complication or disturbance as a result of her divorce. She then began to tell me how she got into this mess, and sadly it was because of her husband’s affair with a co-worker. She said that it took her by complete surprise and that she never saw it coming. They were going through a difficult time and were very busy working full time, taking care of the kids and tending to her husband’s sick parents. Her husband found someone who gave him the attention that was lacking at home. That right there made me want to scream! It seems to me that it’s a common thread that for some reason, the cheating spouse thinks that the other person cares more for them than his/her own spouse does. I firmly believe that this is usually not the case. It’s just that there isn’t enough time, opportunity or energy to give the spouse as much attention as in the past due to all the stuff that life throws at us. But the poor little deprived spouse isn’t getting enough attention, so they wander into the arms of another person.

OK, sorry about that, I had to vent a little. Getting back to this woman…It has been six years since this marital affair took place and I could still see the pain and anguish in her eyes. Her story made me so angry because it represents. I wonder if her husband ever looked past the moment to see the future and what a mess he was creating. His children will never again experience a life that is secure and normal. There will always be some kind of drama because of the affair. This woman told me that she is not even sure he is still with his affair partner, as the OW is still married and it is a subject that they do not bring up. The only thing they talk about is the logistics of. How sad to be so close to someone and spend a majority of your life together and this is the end result. They probably share more feelings and emotions with a complete stranger than they do with their ex-spouse. I wonder how many with the cheating spouse regretting their decisions. I wonder if once they make that decision, how difficult it is to turn around and admit how wrong they were. I have to think that rarely is the other person worth giving everything up for. The cheating spouse is giving up their family, friends, home, their past, their assets, and almost everything in their life for this other person, who in many cases they hardly even know. Can that one person fill all those spaces in their life and make them happy? That is a large responsibility to put on one person. It is different when a person is eighteen and has their whole life ahead of them. When they are fifty and have so much history behind them, it is difficult for the cheating spouse to start again from scratch. We have a lot of baggage to carry along with us as we grow older and to give everything up like it didn’t exist would be virtually impossible. We’re here to show you the right way to survive infidelity so that your marriage doesn’t become some sort of statistic. We’ve been in your shoes and are in a unique position to put all of our experiences – both good and bad, successes and failures – and use them to help lead you out of the pain and into a better place.

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My ex husband destroyed our BEAUTFUL family two years ago to fuck a Meth addict, lovely it destroyed our family like a volcanoe erupting we have never been the same and now a second affair, a woman he barely knows off a dating site he even abandoned the dog! 👎Your a strong woman I couldn’t do it the betrayal was too much for me and in our family home, GROSSE! That bastard destroyed our family, marriage and all the neighbours are grossed out! Any women that can stay with a cheater and try to make it work I give you CREDIT! I had to walk away with the dog my kids are in so much pain. For what some cheap tramp off a dating site! 😩I think the cheating spouse will only regret their decision if they lose something because of it. I don t think the cheating spouse regrets cheating if the wife/husband decides to stay and work on the marriage. Because if they don t divorce. Then what did they really lose? Nothing. Sure they created a problem and will have arguments, but in the end they win. They cheat and have fun and as a result end up with a better marriage than they had before. For them it s a win win situation, and for us betrayed spouses we suffer and lose everything. I ve lost my sanity and my sense of security. I ve lost everything I thought I had. My H lost nothing. I m here the kids are here. What did he lose? Good point, NotBroken. However, I feel like I have GAINED in this situation.

Gained a better sense of myself and what I need and also what I m putting out there. I ve spent a lot of lonely hours crying and moping, but after I got all of that out of me, I started reading up and finding sites like this one and DEFINING MYSELF. It has been a growing experience for me whether we divorce or not. And for that tiny little fact, I can be thankful. I improved ME. If it was an affair of the heart, the other woman loses as well. She loses the man of her dreams, who stays in his marriage (better or worse), and ends up alone. And imagine a man who makes his marriage better at the other woman s expense? Betrayed spouses always give a lot of heat to the other woman. But it was the husband who betrayed her, not the other woman. No one thinks about the other woman s point of view. We all want to be loved and everyone makes unwise choices when they are in love. I don t think any other woman intends to hurt the wife. I think it is more about HIM. But betrayed spouses are so angry (rightfully so) that they take out all their anger on the other woman. No one thinks about the other woman’s point of view. I don’t think any other woman intends to hurt the wife. I agree with you that everyone hurts due to affairs, but I don’t agree that the other woman doesn t intend to hurt the wife. Just by joining the H in the affair, the OW is hurting the wife and the family. Maybe the H made advances to the OW, which was also wrong, but the OW made the “unwise” choice to have the affair. In this way, the OW too has betrayed the wife and kids.

Two wrongs don’t make a right. Once you realize your unwise choice, it is time to make the right choices, make amends, and learn from your mistake. Perhaps you did not intend to hurt the wife. Perhaps you were not thinking. That “in love” feeling is a powerful force of Mother nature. But we humans aren’t animals. We have a rational brain that tells us something is right and something is wrong. People in affairs know something is wrong, which is why they to try to keep it secret. People in affairs also choose to ignore their rational side, they succumb to the positive drug-like feeling that the affair gives them. Put yourself in the wife’s place for just a moment. Imagine you are married, working hard, supporting your husband and kids in every way you can. You love your H, but life has gotten a bit dull and routine, filled with endless chores groceries, maintaining the house, driving the kids to school and activities hectic. Then out of the blue, your husband starts to act distant. Then he tells you, I love you, but I m in love with another woman. How does that make you feel? To me it felt just how I felt when my Mom died. My world crumbled around me. If you were to put yourself in the wife s shoe, maybe you might try to understand what you have done wrong. Most people involved in affairs are usually not bad people. They are naïve at best, weak in will power, generally selfish, and cruel and heartless at worst. It is not my intent to insult you.

I have no ill will towards the OW in my H emotional affair. In my H’s case, she did the right thing.

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