Cracked only offers comment voting to subscribing members. Subscribers also have access to loads of hidden content. And wield the awesome power of the thumb. If we've ever made you laugh or think, we now have a way where you can thank and support us! This may come as a surprise to no one, but I've been in the online dating world long enough for my OkCupid profile to have started first grade this coming fall. In that time, I've only gone on a handful of dates -- literally less than 65 dates from more than five years of online dating. Some of that is due to lack of interest, forgetting I had the profile, or not having time to invest in getting to know a new person. Fotoedu/iStock/Getty Images The unlimited number of creeps doesn't help much, either.
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A lot of it, however, is how unbelievably ineffective online dating websites are. Here are a few reasons why: There was a time when the only services for online dating required you to pay money and, if I'm being honest, that was the golden age. Not because the services were actually super effective or because the guys on there were better than the free version you get from OkCupid, but because paying for a dating service requires commitment. Match.
Com (up to $97) and eHarmony (up to $65) cost more per month than if you invested that money into buying one Frank Zappa album every month for the next 66 years. When paid sites were the only option, the people joining online dating sites were doing it because they were serious about finding someone they could date and hopefully marry. Free sites have expanded to a point where, now, everyone has or had a profile on at least one of them. Suddenly, it became socially acceptable to have a profile on OkCupid or PlentyOfFish or even JDate. The free sites allowed normal people who weren't desperate enough to pay money to get the same experience, so you would think your chances of finding someone you actually like will increase.
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But, the sites are so inundated with people not looking for anything serious (because there's no financial commitment involved), you're still better off going to the dog park or a friend's party to meet people. The whole point of dating is to get to know a person to see if he or she is a decent fit for you. The intended purpose of online dating is to streamline that process into easily digestible chunks so you don't have to spend time asking people if they like dogs or want a family someday or what languages they speak -- all that information is on their profiles. It's supposed to make dating faster and simpler, but it really just complicates things more. Rather than spending the first date asking these basic questions and chatting about shit neither of you actually care about (because the focus of a first date is and, you're stuck in a bit of a paradox.
A non-online-dating-site first date involves sharing the superficial information already on your profile. But, if you met through online dating, that's already something you should know. Innovatedcaptures/iStock/Getty Images God, it's like he didn't even read the fifth sentence of the eighth paragraph of my bio! So, either you're an asshole for not remembering something boring or you're forced to dig deeper than an introductory meeting should require, and you wind up talking about mood killers such as tragic backstories or political views. Even if you've read a person's profile a dozen times and texted or talked on the phone beforehand, a first date is still fundamentally a first date.
You're still sitting across from a complete stranger trying to find out if you're compatible and attracted to each other. So, what do you talk about that both goes beyond the basic information on your profile without oversharing something that would normally be reserved for when you've gotten to know the person sitting across from you -- at least, enough to know he or she is probably not going to? I don't like to say all men are one way or all women are another, but, after enough messages and matches, trends start to pop up. Speaking solely from personal experience, I've found that any time a guy mentions that he's in the entertainment industry, he's usually way more arrogant about his job as a production assistant than anyone has grounds to be for picking up a C-list celebrity's coffee and dry cleaning. I've noticed men who message me Hello instead of Hi or Hey tend to treat our communication like a business transaction where he fully expects a very obvious sequence of events.
When Hello guys don't get a response or when I turn them down later in the conversation, they're the quickest to call me fat and ugly. That shows fewer people respond to Hello than they do Hi or Hey, in case you're interested in being paranoid about everything you say to anyone for the rest of your life.