Online Dating Why Most of Us Just Won t Do It HuffPost


Great info! I enjoy reading all of this blog, and it has stopped me from boggling my mind about a few things! Anyway, I m a male who is his 95 s on Match. I seem to run into this a lot and haven t seen this addressed. But I still get no questions in return to start a conversation. Confusing. Should I assume this is one of those. She isn t into me things?

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It s not that she s not into you. It s that you probably haven t given her a compelling reason to be. Why don t they ever ask questions? What am I supposed to say? Yet she didn t realize that she was an equal part of the problem. He asked her a silly question and started grilling her with more and more trivia questions, teasing her about what she might win if she got all the questions right. She played along and pushed right back and they ve already got a first date lined up. It made me funny in response to him, she replied. He was so lively and engaging that I sort of had no choice but to come back with something equally witty and creative. So by him writing something playful and interesting to you, he actually brought out a more playful and interesting side of you? You re right, I said. And what man doesn t love a funny woman? She agreed, wholeheartedly. Yes, but it s a lot easier when he says something and I can respond to him. I agree. They re just as boring as the ones that you received. Wouldn t it stand to reason that if you took the time to write something interesting and creative back to these guys, you might discover that they actually have a personality? And yet this one guy with the trivia questions was able to bring out your playful side. The moral of the story is that you are ALWAYS responsible for how you leave a conversation. This is equally true on dates. By being optimistic, playful, interested and interesting, you can almost always transform any evening into a pleasant experience. The problem is that we don t we expect the other person to do the heavy lifting to make the plans, to ask the silly questions, to raise the playing field. We all want someone to set the tone and follow along, instead of realizing that we re always setting the tone ourselves. I realize that I ve gone on a bit of a tangent from your original question, Dwayne, but this is important. You haven t created a compelling reason why she should write back to you over all others. And yet most of us get online and wonder why it always feels so stale. It s because YOU RE making it stale, and you re accepting stale conversation from others. See if you are guilty of doing any of the following. I do the same with my best friends. If you want to know anything more about me, just ask. She knows her name.

Better to start off with something engaging right from the get go. 8) and thought it was really great. Of course. Otherwise, why would you be writing to her? 9) I also thought you were cute. She knows you think she s attractive. So does every other guy on here. 5) and love the fact that you go hiking with your brothers every summer. Me, too! Um, great? Establishing commonality is often a symbol of trying too hard to sell yourself. 6) Anyway, check out my profile. She knows she s supposed to check out your profile. 7) and see if you like what you read sounds weak, like you re asking for her approval. Assume success and you re more likely to have success. Say if you like what you read and you ll probably fail. 8 ) If you want to know anything more about me, just ask. Your profile should be good enough that she shouldn t have to strain hard for information about you. 9) My number is 555-6767. Newsflash: Women don t like cold-calling strange men who offer their numbers on the Internet! 65) I hope to hear back from you soon Wishy-washy. Don t put her up on a pedestal. 66) Sign your name! You sound creepy if you don t warm it up with a signature. This probably sounds incredibly nitpicky, but it s not. The opposite of what s above. Don t say anything that is obvious. Don t sell yourself. Don t kiss ass. Don t overpraise.

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Don t ask for them to consider you. Don t ask for them to write back to you. Act like you re a catch confident, bold, funny. And remember, keep it light. Could you imagine having such serious conversations with a stranger at a party? Excuse me, ma am. You look very attractive. I think we have a lot in common particularly our mutual love of rum punch. Would you like my phone number and to learn more about me? It s a no-brainer. Imagine saying that in real life! Now, consider that you ve been saying that to hundreds of women online for years. No wonder the conversation goes nowhere! Whether you re a man or a woman, you need to differentiate yourself. And studies show that confidence and humor are the two most desirable qualities in both men AND women. You may be shocked how those same people become a lot more interested and interesting when you give them more to work with. One is called Fun Fiction, in which you make up based on a detail in the other person s profile. The other is called Opinion Openers, where, instead of stating a me, too fact (You like Bruce Springsteen? I like Bruce Springsteen! ), you offer your opinion in which your personality shines through (Hey, if The Boss is from New Jersey, how come he sounds more like Woody Guthrie than Tony Soprano when he sings? What part of New Jersey has an Oklahoma accent? ). You may think that this stuff doesn t matter that people only write back to the most attractive people no matter what. So while I will acknowledge that being hot and stupid is more effective than being ugly and fascinating, the truth lies somewhere in between. So do yourself a favor, Dwayne: stop beating up on yourself because she doesn t sound interested. Be more interesting, and you ll never have to wonder if there was anything else that you could do on your own behalf. Seriously, my friend, this is a very do-able technique and I ve helped hundreds of guys (and thousands of women) master online communication. Check out if you really want to get the best results out of your online dating experience. Marc s last blog post HOW DO YOU SAY INAPPROPRIATE DOUCHEBAG IN GERMAN? I ve done the Opinion Opener before, with very successful results.

I then suggested that George W. Bush should have that quote duct taped to his forehead until he got the point. 6. ) Humor works nearly everytime. If I don t think we are a good fit by looking at your profile and pics alone sometimes good wit and humor may sway me. Notice I said sometimes and may. If i see pics and think no way or age range is way off, it really doesn t matter how funny you are. 7. ) Both grammar and spelling count! (No I am not an English Professor, but don t want to date anyone who I find less intelligent than myself. What would we talk about at breakfast? )8. ) I have to look at your profile and be interested in getting to know more about YOU to ask YOU questions. I am what I consider to be a polite dater. I will at least glance at, but perhaps not peruse, a profile prior to responding. Be persistent if someone really strikes an interest, and give the girl a couple chances to read your profile. Take time creating and choosing the photos in your profile. LOL Take time to provide photos of doing something that is of interest to you (ski pic, water sport pic, gardening pic, whatever you are into. ) She needs to see that a date with you might be fun! 9. ) Last point here. The world of online dating is really not a level playing field. Therefore, sometimes it is also a matter of timing. I will admit that online dating is not my full-time job and sometimes I just can t keep up. At first I was amused, then just irritated- it s not like any of these were serious questions- and this guy genuinely seemed to feel that they were! I do like how you turned it around on her. Too many people expect the Earth from others and do nothing to deserve or inspire it. Here s the thoughtbomb: PEOPLE should try harder. They should be better and love each other more and stop making excuses for themselves and others and SOCIETY and carpe the freaking diem. But most of them won t.

And most of us are most of us. Yeah I don t even know where I m going with this anymore. But good post. I would advise this guy to read and re-read his profile to make sure it s as interesting as he s trying to be. Having said that, don t try too hard! Water rises to it s own level, as they say. Here s an example from today from a man who s trying to be funny, but Hi, you ask What is your idea? ? . Well my idea would be for someone to help me run away from home to start a new life. To beg me to move to Montana. Please please, help me run away. Adults can run away can t they? I know, you meant idea for a date, just put my true feeling spin on it. How am I doing so far? I always wanted to live in Montana, was searching the profiles and liked your photo. I know this can t work, just thought I would say hi since you view me back. Wish I was there. Um I m not really up for saving this guy 66 years older than I, over a thousand miles away, not particularly attractive (to *me*) with an extremely mundane profile, five sentences long. The profile and pics are what we have to go on, and, of course, your charming opener! And really, most women, and men, don t want to play q a over the I net with a stranger, they want to MEET someone. If you get a response, ask her out. Sorry but I read it before about asking a woman out fast, but that doesn t seem to work. Most of them would rather chat some first. But it seems to be finding the balance between too soon and letting the messages drag on too long. I honestly would rather meet sooner than later too. I m interested in things you can only judge in person and not over the Internet. I agree with you Have to find the balance. Actually everything you do in your life. It also depends on how the person is and what their beliefs are. Everybody is different.

That was one of the best responses I ve read Evan.

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