Understanding wedding invitation etiquette can save you a whole lot of stress—even if you decide to break some of the more old fashioned rules. There are a lot of emotions involved in weddings, and wedding invitation etiquette is at the top of the list. So the more you can boil things down to simple emotionless guidelines, the better. But even more important, if your grandma is operating by a wedding invitation etiquette playbook you ve deemed irrelevant, you might end up hurting her feelings when you really want to thrill and delight her. And we can t have that, can we? That said, there is a lot of wedding invitation etiquette that just hasn t been updated to make sense in the current world of weddings. So let s, once and for all, go over the rules—as they were once and as they are now. Save-the-dates are a relatively new invention (Don t believe me?Application Screenupdating false not working
Etiquette and Manners Proper Etiquette Rules Questions
Ask your parents if they had them. ), which means there is a refreshing (or confusing) lack of formal wedding invitation etiquette surrounding them. First up, save-the-dates are totally optional. It s handy to provide significant advance notice to guests. In fact, giving notice six months or more in advance is great, and a year in advance for true destination weddings is even better. Or, of course, you can send out cute note cards or magnets or whatever creative trinket your heart desires. But only spend cash money on save-the-dates if you really want to. Because again? They re optional. Here is one word of warning about save-the-dates: if you send them out way in advance, and your ideas about the wedding change, you may well be stuck with the guest list you ve got. Sure, you can send out notes saying you called it all off and went to the courthouse with your families. So tread lightly, and only give notice to folks you know you will be inviting, no matter what. The standard rule, which dates from back when weddings were mostly local affairs, is that wedding invitations should be sent out six to eight weeks in advance of the wedding. But the real truth is lots of folks won t make travel arrangements until they get an honest-to-God invite. (See above about save-the-dates occasionally being revoked, and your great aunt not even really understanding what they are. ) So if a lot of people are going to have to travel for your wedding, sending the invitations out three months in advance will be a greatly appreciated. (And trust me, nobody will forget about the wedding because you sent them a little early. )There is this false idea floating around out there that if you re having a formal wedding, and sending formal invitations, that you have to use traditional honorifics even if they re not the honorifics the person in question uses. So here is the hard and fast rule: you should address people by the names they actually use. If you want a deep dive on smart and proper (kinda feminist) wedding invitation wording, you can check out the.
If you re using them, children under twelve can be addressed by Miss or Master. Unmarried women, or women that kept their names can be addressed as Ms. Married women who changed their name can be addressed as Mrs. (Or Ms.! ). Doctors can be addressed as Dr. or Drs. (if there are two). And men get addressed as Mr. ( And that s why we need feminism. )wedding invitation etiquette: What Information Should We Include On Our Invitation? While it can be fun to get visually creative with your wedding invitations, you don t want to get creative with communicating the information, because well, you want people to come. While, the real key is just to remember to legibly communicate who, what, where, and when. Old school traditional etiquette insists that you never include any information on your wedding registry, because that should only be spread by word of mouth. However, all your wedding guests really like to find registry information on wedding websites, so do everyone a favor and put it there. (I m calling the rule change as official. )In general, however, you probably don t want to mention anything about gifts on the wedding invitation. You want people there because you love them, not because you want a soupspoon, so don t muddle the message. Wedding invitation etiquette: How Should We Let People Know About Our Wedding Website? If you re sending out save-the-dates, putting your wedding website on them can be a helpful way to give guests a better feeling for what your wedding will look like (and encourage them to buy plane tickets, if you re holding off on sending official invites till a few weeks out).
WATCH Prince Harry Followed Proper Etiquette Rules By
When you send out your formal invitation, it s helpful to include the wedding website information again. Typically you don t print the website on the actual invitation, but instead on one of the (sometimes many) accompanying pieces of paper. And no, you don t have to have a wedding website if you don t want to. Don t let anyone tell you otherwise. Remember that people will consider maybe kind of thinking about putting their RSVP card in the mail on the RSVP deadline you give them. Maybe. So in short, make the RSVP date at least a week earlier than the date you need to give your caterer a final head count, since you may spend that week calling around and chasing answers. Setting an RSVP deadline of three to four weeks out from your wedding will help keep you sane. (And really, who can t decide if they re going to a wedding until one week before? )How Many Goddamn Pieces of Paper Do We Need To Include In This Invitation Anyway? You need to include an invitation and probably an RSVP card (see above). You can include a variety of other materials if you so choose: maps, schedule of events, you name it. However, it s easy to include any extra information on a wedding website and save a few extra dollars. In longer, they might really want them. Particularly if you only have a few single friends, giving them a chance to bring a buddy (date or not), will increase the odds of them attending. (Social anxiety is a bitch, y all. ) If for whatever reason you decide not to offer plus ones, make sure that you take good care of the single folks. Seat them together, introduce them at any welcome parties you might have. Tell each of them who they should look out for, and what they should talk to them about. (And pray for hook-ups that end in storybook romances. What?
Just me? )The traditional way of letting folks know exactly who is invited to the wedding is simply by listing the names of the invitees on the envelope. No children? Don t list them. However, in reality, this signal can sometimes get lost in the noise. Flights are booked before official invites arrive. New parents are not used to seeing their kids names on envelopes in the first place. Envelopes go straight in the trash. So you ll need to be a little clearer, while keeping it kind. The wedding website is a great place to note that you re not having kids at the wedding. (Word this nicely, and stay away from things that read along the lines of NO KIDS PLEAZ. ) You can also call loved ones with kids to talk about it in person. Well, it depends. If you dress code is Black Tie or Semi Formal or The ceremony will take place on grass, so please make footwear choices accordingly, just put the information on your wedding website, or on an insert card in your invitation. If your dress code is Everyone wear pink and black only, don t include it anywhere, because you don t get to pick out your guests clothes. Now how about you guys? What regional or cultural variations are important to keep in mind? Give us the scoop! Meg is the Founder and EIC of APW. She has written two best selling wedding books: and. Meg has her BFA in Drama from NYU’s .
She lives in Oakland, CA with her husband and two children. For more than you ever wanted to know about Meg, you can visit. If you want to avoid paper invites/save the dates all together paperless post. Pretty, functional, and free (unless you get extras). Yeah, one of the things for which I advocated hardcore was on-line RSVPs. We used AppyCouple s on-line RSVP tools and didn t have much trouble at all. (Even my husband s 95-year-old grandmother and great aunt figured out how to do it. ) The people who didn t respond on-line are probably the same people who wouldn t have sent an RSVP card back anyway. We also did not give any single people plus ones. (One of our wedding objectives was “family focused” so we didn’t want “randoms” at our wedding and we only invited close friends who we consider family. ) If they would have asked we would have considered it. When it came to our single relatives we felt that they would know enough people at the wedding. For our single friends, only one did not know anyone (well she did know my immediate family as we have known each other since grade-school) but she is pretty outgoing and has become friend with one of my university friends at my bachelorette. We didn t do plus-ones either, for the most part we were brushing up against the occupancy limit of the venue, so we had to keep the guest list small. Our guest list was 685 or so family members, so the single cousins knew lots and lots of people, and we only invited a small handful of friends, almost all of whom were coupled. There were two single women: one brought her 66 year old daughter (less of a plus one and more of a children are welcome ) and we offered a plus one to the other friend because she didn t know many of the other guests. She declined to bring one and had a great time anyway. The only single people on my husband s side are his two teenage cousins (at the time 69 and 66). And on my side I had similarly aged cousins. My husband s cousins were local and came with their parents and had lots of other family there so we didn t feel that they needed to have a plus one. My cousins did not end up coming because they had to travel from the west coast.