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I belong to caste A, my boyfriend belongs to caste B. We have been together for two years. None of our parents are OK with an inter-caste marriage. But we are unable to live without each other. Our parents take the reactions of their relatives and neighbours way more seriously than our feelings. They’re telling us about the loss of face in their respective societies that they’ll have to suffer if this marriage happens. His parents even want dowry which my parents are unable to provide. How can we convince them?

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Please tell me. We want to marry with those precious blessings only and we’re ready to wait till we get them. On the average I get about three such queries every day and they make me sad and angry. Very angry. I feel – what in the name of God are we doing to our younger generation?

How can some dogmatic parents have so little regard for the happiness of – not a random guy on the street but – their own child! Boys and girls (and don’t demand to be called men and women. If I could find the me of your age somewhere I’d have called myself a baby. Well, on second thoughts there are people who’d still call me a baby and their number is more than two, but I digress again… ) ). In my experience of talking to, consoling and counselling scores of young people like you, I’ve observed that there are three golden rules of dealing with parents who are real tough nuts to crack, and I thought I’ll lay them down today, fuming as I am.

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Have you noted that I said “dealing with”, not “convincing”? You’ll soon find out why. You’ll never make everyone happy. Take it from me – it’s rarely possible. Of course the first step is to try to.

And you’ll do that to the best of your abilities. However, if it proves impossible, you need to take a stand – one way or the other. If you have to take a stand that involves sacrificing someone’s happiness for someone else’s, whose happiness will you choose? It’s not about choosing your boyfriend or girlfriend over your parents. It’s about choosing yourself over everyone else.

Let’s face it – life is all about making choices. Making choices that make you happ ier. Not happy, but happ ier, than making any other choice. Will it not make you unhappy to irk your parents by marrying against their wish? Of course.

Will it not make you unhappy to say goodbye forever to the person you love? Be selfish and choose the option that makes you the least unhappy, and then let go.

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