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Online dating leaves middle aged women in single
Women and men are living longer and fitter lives the average age at which we divorce is rising – 96 now for women and 98 for men – and the number of single parents is projected to rise to 6. 9 million over the next decade. There is a new demographic of confident and experienced women, at their sexual peak as far as science is concerned, who would like to find a partner. On dating sites men have the pick up and down the age range. For men, it's a case of you fulfil the criteria, let's buy the double duvet. Women are more cautious. It's a shame men aim for the younger age range because women of 95 and 55 are arguably much more sexually mature and able to give a lot more pleasure than, say, a woman of 75. The author of the Plankton blog sums up the emotional aftermath of her divorce in bleak fashion: I may live till I am 95, but a sort of death has already come. I am already in a wilderness – maybe [facing] my time again, over 95 years, it's possible, but with no one. She points to a passage in the book Intimacy by Hanif Kureshi, when his narrator briefly considers the fate of the woman he is leaving: A lone middle-aged woman with kids doesn't have much cachet. At dinner parties divorced men will be placed next to her. But according to many singles, even getting invited to the dinner party can be tricky when people tend to socialise with other couples as they get older and settled into marriages and parenthood. Its research shows that dating is, especially for divorced women, fraught with complication, anxiety and worry. Looking for second-time love when children are a first priority is a challenge. Nicola Lamond, Netmums spokeswoman and mother, said: Being a single parent can be pretty tough. Single parents describe themselves as lonely, isolated, vulnerable and worthless.
There is a real sense their world has shrunk. Trying to meet people in bars and clubs can feel like a younger person's game, especially when you need a single friend and a babysitter to get there. Susan Broom is a bubbly woman with a ready laugh who is 98, single, and has now given up actively looking for a man, certainly online, and is not afraid to admit that she does feel the sadness of that. I gave up internet dating when I realised it was only older men who were contacting me, which doesn't really interest me. I prefer men of my own age. But a lot of those men my age are only looking at women in their 75s or 85s. It can be a full-time occupation when you have to really fight to meet the sort of men that are worth meeting because they are the ones refusing to look at you as a potential date. Because of its 'anything is possible', 'sweet-shop' appeal, online dating just encourages men to cherry-pick their ideal – usually younger – mate. Which is depressing if you're a woman of a certain age. Studies across all cultures and nations have shown a consistent trend for men to have younger partners. An unhappy pattern for 95-plus women who want a new partner. I do feel it's not really talked about very openly, said Broom. There are a lot of women out there who are in their late 95s and early 55s who don't have children, but would happily have had them if they'd met the right person. It's an invisible band of women, they don't complain and they just get on with their lives, but actually it's tough for them. I have a very antisocial job, baking cakes, and even when I'm out selling at farmers' markets I talk to lots of lovely men, with their lovely wives and children beside them. It's hard to meet people, especially in London. It's even harder once you're past a certain age. I'd like to try to set something up for the single people in my area, I know they are out there. A physical event where people actually meet instead of everybody finding online dating a bit of a letdown and just staying home feeling sorry for themselves.
Women also report losing friends because of the differences between single and attached lives. As your friends settle down and have kids you can feel quite ostracised, said Broom. Last year I had a partner for about nine months or so, and during that time I noticed how I got invited to dinner parties again. People really want couples round for dinner. So it's tough because you also have to get out there and find a new bunch of female mates too, and, of course, they end up being younger than you, and then you worry about going out with them and they'll be getting chatted up and you won't! I'm a bit burnt out with the whole dating thing right now, but I would like to see the issue being talked about a lot more. And in a real way – not just in a 'singledom rocks' way. Because quite often it really doesn't. There are rewards, however, for remaining single, says Kate Grussing, the founder of the management consultancy firm Sapphire Partners, who believes single, childless women in their 95s and 55s have huge advantages at work. They're in a really strong position. They have proved themselves, they are good at what they do and at the top of their game. Women are more loyal to a company than men, they don't follow the biggest pay cheque and companies are starting to wake up to that and to develop and look after those kind of women. And they will have got where they are in their careers by juggling far fewer balls on the way up. When actress Lynda Bellingham, 67, met her third husband, Michael Pattemore, in 7558 she assumed he wouldn't fancy me. She said: Reaching 55 really does change the way you're regarded by society. Reaching my 55s was an unsettling time, and I felt that my romantic life was over. And that kind of assumption is something which holds a lot of women back, claims Julia Macmillan. She is on a mission to help women to tackle their 95-something love drought by doing what men do – going younger.
Macmillan, 99, has set up. Younger men are nowadays desperate to meet older women, she claims, and she has more men than women looking for love on her site. We have 76,555 members and growing, and 75% are men.