Mirror, Mirror on the wall. . Where did he go, and why doesn't he call? Dear Mirror of Aphrodite, I am a 88 year old man and would just like to say that I enjoyed reading your commentary with regards to online dating. I hope every woman is heeding advice of this nature. To be honest, I have made some of the classic blunders you describe. I subscribe more so to the old world and are struggling with many aspects of online dating ettiquette. I concur with many of the responses you suggest that come from men.
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It makes the prospect of having a meaningful conversation very difficult. I can appreciate that many of the ladies have become suspicious or a simply worn down from the rubbish they encounter. Thank you for creating a document, which gives me this insight and more of an opportunity to find a genuine lady. Kind Regards, Simon. I met a guy online on a dating site. His profile is good. I asked him for his pic. He sent me two pics and one of them is a shirtless pic showing off his muscles. I was taken a back. It kinda creeped me. Isn t this disrespectful? Or am I over reacting? I didn t reply to him yet. I mean, you re strangers at this point - what s the message he s attempting to convey by doing that? It s like saying, Hey, look at my body, don t you want my body? It s like saying, This is what you re going to get. I think it s inappropriate to be sending half nude pictures of yourself, man or woman, to a virtual stranger. If you get to know one another at a later point in time, then I can see it being okay. But to act like that and come off like that right up front, when you re still strangers, making the focus your body or your muscles - it reeks of trolling the Internet for sex to me. I meant a shirtless muscle pic might be okay - but NEVER nude pics, LOL. It creeped me out and I didnt feel comfortable. Isn t it the same logic-nude or half nude? We are strangers and he wants to impress me with his body! ! I feel it is inappropriate and I am not going to respond to him. Is it an over reaction? May be he is good at writing. Lol. But he s an absolute stranger at this point and it s inappropriate.
And no, you re not over reacting. And yes, it does make women feel uncomfortable, which is why men should knock that crap off when dating online. Well same goes for the online world. You don t just start showing your body off like that to complete strangers. It s odd and it s inappropriate. And it signals he s got sex on his mind. I tried online dating and was very unsuccessful. My friends told me I didn t have enough pictures online that actually demonstrated my personality. Personally, I just wasn t comfortable online. To be very honest, i felt like a loser! I understand that this is year 7568 but could you offer any other advice to meet smart, attractive and a good hearted man? ? Contd. I logged into the site today and found him online. I didn t message. But I am a little confused on this dating etiquette. Should I never initiate any contact in the beginning? I should add that in the meantime, your dating life doesn t stop simply because you ve met this one guy. You re dating online too, just as he is, and my suggestion to you. Is to continue doing so. Don t stop living and sit around waiting for a guy to come to his senses. I will sit tight and date other men. My life doesn t revolve around any guy. In two weeks if I don t hear from him I should get my message that he is not interested then why bother texting him after 7 weeks. I would appreciate your response on how to handle this - suppose he contacts again after few days and says he didn t hear from me or something to that effect-how does one handle this without saying it applies to you as well! I searched for him on FB. I didn t send him a friend request or anything like that. But now I feel I shouldn t have done that either. Because sometimes FB suggests friends you may know and I don t want to appear on this list for him!
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I shouldn t have done that. Wow you are amazing Mirror. Thanks for the advice. I would have accepted 8rd date immediately if I hadn t read this! He is more of calling guy than texting. So may be I should let the call go to voice mail when he calls and I should return the call after a couple of hours. LOL or am i being too mean? LOL perfect dear Mirror. I shall play this game )Thanks a ton for this advice. 58AM Thank you so much mirror for responding to my queries. A site like Match. Com will permit winks. That site also shows men who has viewed their profile and it also has an area of ethnicity with regards to the man s preferences, in which case, it will be mentioned there what his ethnic preferences are so you ll know if he s open to it or not. If that s the case, a simple viewing of the man s profile will put your face in front of his. As will a wink. But I d leave it at that. I really wouldn t do a direct contact and be the first one to initiate communication. MOA, Thanks for your advice! Under careful consideration and after reading things all women should have I ve decided to take a break for a while and get to know myself a little more before jumping back into the dating scene. I m recently separated (although emotionally separated for years) and have some things to get together before inviting another person into my life. I will definitely continue to read your posts though. You re a gift! : ) Heck, I still need to get that little black dress! When I first started talking to my Libra man, it was online, and constant flirting. Now after we met, and had a date, I don t get those types of flirtaous comment s like I did. Though I do hear from him, it s not as often or fun. What s up with that? I should mention that he said he wanted to meet me the week he was going to be in town so I don t understand why all of a sudden he isn t trying to get together.
I told him we could try to meet next week and he just came back with an I m sorry it looks like we will have to wait before we can meet. What is that all about? I m confused! He s, most likely, a player juggling many different situations. You re better off dear. He wasn t behaving as a genuinely interested man: -( Accept it and be thankful you didn t get sucked into his web. You ve most likely just dodged a bullet here. Forget about him, don t accept his calls, don t respond to his texts and simply move on. Your advice to let the guy do all the calling came too late for me. I met a guy online and the first coffee date was great. I was letting him do all the texting. He asked me out again. I think I made a mistake by starting to text him first. He thanked me the first time and said it makes him feel that I like him. We had another date things going well. Should I stop and wait for him to text going forward. I did it for several days. Hope its not too late. A genuinely interested man will seek you out. He will want to talk to you, he will make time for you and he will ask to see you - ask you on dates. The only way to know if a man is genuinely interested or not is to see if he pursues you and makes repeated attempts to see/talk to you. And the only way he can do that is if you pull back and let him. 6 months? 6 year? It seems that women have more trouble separating their emotion from the player guys than the other way round. Also, they tend to assign too much meeting/feelings to the little messages back to the guys. Even if they don t appear to be desperate in front of the guys, who knows how much disturbed / disrupted their schedules / innerworlds would be? He sounds like he s keeping his options open and actively dating others.
If I were you, I d do the same. And I would cease responding to all of his communications. Choosing to respond to only the ones that deserve a response. I d ignore pictures, statements that aren t questions, etc. And I d start dating other men. He sounds like a serial dater whose caught up in the grass is greener effect that all the options on the Internet provides. Thank you Mirror! Should I give him a timely with some nice words or just ignore him for a couple of days saying that I ve been busy but good luck? In several days LOL. Keep it short and sweet. He doesn t deserve lots of your attention yet or your sympathy. Ignore his illness, answer his questions, be brief, not overly eager and keep it casual. Anyhow my reply ended with me wishing him good luck staying alive, LOL. He has not written back and it s been a long wait. The problem, mirror, I found with online dating is that you would be flooded with many options but after several months, at least for me, I ended up thinking about one guy all the time and giving others up. This then leads to this kind of waiting anxiety cycle, which is not so healthy. How I wish that I could get back to the sites with a new profile some day. Otherwise, I already cannot help writing to him again asking if he is really alive. LOLHi Mirror, good answer. And it gave some food for thought-as well as helping me join a few more dots. In hindsight I think it must have been drugs as that could explain a pie-eye and the odd habit of muttering to himself (repeating a sentence he had just spoken in a normal-louder voice) elusive behaviour and shadiness. And difficulty to get it up in the morning (which from what a doctor friend of mine tells me is a poor health indicator for men). What a shame, he could be an absolutely stunning man! Overall this experience strengthens my resolve to take things slowly (more so with online dating) and really gather as much info as I can before having sex with a man! I m so glad I never pursued him when he disappeared. Even if I was dying to see him. Cont. Or would something like this work: Okay let s see how well you ve paid attention.
Come up with 8 things to do and if I like one of them, then we can go on that date. ) If he has actually read through my profile - he could probably come up with many dates that I d enjoy.