There are many things that may have changed since you last dated, and one of those things that might be different is that you now have children. Whether putting yourself out there again excites or terrifies you, you’re probably wondering how to handle the situation with your kids. If your kids are old enough to have a conversation with you, consider sitting them down to explain that you’re going to start dating again. Most importantly, listen to what they say. Try to really hear their concerns or hesitations and do your best to address them. Even if they haven’t met the person you’re dating yet, be careful about how much you share with your children and what you share. No matter how agreeable they are, or how much you view your child as a friend, most children will be easily spooked by something new coming into their life so fast. You don’t need to introduce your children to everyone you date.
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Consider what might happen if your children do develop an attachment to this new person and then you break up and they suddenly have to adapt to even more change in their lives. Wait until you’re sure you’re serious about someone and that you see the potential for moving in together or marriage happening down the road. Talk to your children in advance about how the first meeting will go and set some expectations. And once again, listen to your children. How are they feeling? Nervous? Angry? Even if there’s nothing much you can do to assuage their fears, being willing to take the time to truly listen and empathize with your children can go a long way. If the worst happens and your children dislike your new partner, don’t leap immediately into a defensive mode. Ask them questions about what specifically they don’t like. Try to get down to the root of the problem. Are they nervous about this person moving in? Were they hopeful you were going to reconnect with your ex? Lead with listening. Your children want to know they’re most important. Make your children feel heard and have reasonable expectations about the time it might take for them to feel comfortable with the situation. As we gear up for the Super Bowl this weekend, we ve been thinking about all the ways in which dating is like football. When we put pen to paper, we realized they re even more similar than we initially thought. . When an NFL team takes the field, their uniforms are clean and pressed and tucked in. When you go out on a date, you want to look your best. Give some thought to what you’re wearing, and dress appropriately for the venue. In high school it was the quarterback and the head cheerleader who ruled the universe.
There will always be people around you who are clearly the quarterback, and sometimes you’ll find yourself wishing you had that person’s life. Don’t try to be something you’re not. Avoid exaggerating about your role at work or your financial situation. It will come back to bite you down the road. Maybe you’re rude to the server or have road rage. If your date catches you at your worst, they could see it as a red flag. No one wants you to turn on them like that in the future. Act obnoxious, and you will draw a penalty. Maybe you’re a super fan that draws comparisons to Jimmy Fallon’s character in Fever Pitch. Or perhaps you’re someone who tends to imbibe a little too much and annoy everyone around you. Whatever the case may be, showing too much of your personality too early can turn some people off. But maybe that’s for the best anyway – you want someone who likes you for you, right? Try to get a little too handsy on the first date, and you may find yourself in trouble fast. Pay attention to the clues your date is giving you. Are they touching you on the arm while you’re talking? Small gestures like that mean they may be ready for more contact, but if it’s a first date and you’re not getting those signals, it may be too early for a first kiss or other physical contact. You don’t want to order the biggest, most expensive thing on the menu or eat so much your date wonders if you have a hollow leg. Have a little snack before you go out to dinner on those early dates. It’ll keep you from getting crabby when the food doesn’t arrive for an hour, and you won’t embarrass yourself by overeating. You shouldn’t be either. Leave your phone in your pocket, purse or car. Few teams make it through the season undefeated. In fact, both teams in this year’s Super Bowl have a loss.
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You probably won’t go undefeated either – there will be dates and significant others who don’t work out along the way. You have to just suit up and get back in the game. The best players do enjoy playing. Dating shouldn’t feel like an obligation or a chore. Go out there and have some fun. If you find yourself heading for the goal line in a physical sense, you should always wear protection. Enough said. Last, but not least, the ultimate achievement in both dating and football is celebrated with some similar hardware: a ring! Ready to get in the game? Let the matchmakers at It s Just Lunch help you find your match! Get started today by calling us at 6-855-989-7897 or to tell us a little about yourself. New year! New goals! New love? You ll increase your chances of meeting someone special—maybe even The One! Who knows—by this time next year, you and your significant other may be working on resolutions for 7567 together! Looking forward to heading home for the holidays but dreading the commentary surrounding your love life? Below find a quick guide to help you adeptly field any single shaming that may come your way. Your Mom: Are you seeing anyone special? Express something along the lines of, Mom, I love you and I m looking forward to seeing you this Christmas. I know you re concerned about my love life and you re hoping I meet someone soon.
I want the exact same thing but since I m not dating anyone right now, I d like to ask that we talk about other stuff. When we focus on what I don t have in my life, it brings me down and I want to stay positive and upbeat during the holidays. Plus I have a lot of great things going on, so let s talk about those! Your Newly Engaged Cousin: I always thought we d be getting married at the same time! If your cousin is cool, she obviously won t single shame but if she flaunts her 8 carat bling and brags incessantly about the surprise proposal in Tuscany, it ll be annoying—there s no getting around it. No matter how much she exasperates you, take the high road. Even if she comes out swinging with, Wow, I can t believe you re still single! I always thought we d be getting married around the same time, let it roll off your back. Bite your tongue—even though she started it you ll look like the overly sensitive, bitter singleton if you retaliate. If she leads with a snarky comment, just smile and repeat how happy you are for her. Turn the subject back to her wedding planning. Brides can never resist that bait! Your Older Sister (Married with 7 Children): What was wrong with Kevin? He was such a great guy! Yes, your sister always hoped you d have kids around the same time and raise your children together. And sure, that might have been fun, but her not-so-subtle insinuations that you re too picky—and if you weren t you d both be mommies right now—doesn t change anything and proves hurtful to you. If she goes down this road, just remind her that you re not 655% in control of when love crosses your path. Explain to her that it s hard when she brings up this topic because it makes you feel like you re disappointing her. Then distract her with a question about the increase of peanut allergies or the free-range parenting movement. Your Ex: I can t believe you haven t found anyone yet!
If you re likely to run into you ex at a party, be prepared—especially if he/she is currently attached (but still bitter about your breakup) and in the mood to single shame. Again, take the high road. If he/she makes some comment about how things could have been different for you two, resist the urge to fire back with, Yeah, right—except you CHEATED on me and then expected me to forgive and forget! Leave the past in the past and return any single shaming with a smile and a breezy, Well, we all have different timing when it comes to love. And I m really happy for you. Hold your head up high and turn toward the bar. Don t let any scrooge-like comments turn your Christmas blue! Keep in mind the suggestions above to nimbly side step single shaming and maintain your holiday cheer! You’re excited – it’s your first holiday with your significant other. No more explaining to Aunt Edna why you still haven’t met someone yet. But just after you celebrate your successful pairing, you realize it also means meeting the family. The only thing worse fielding Aunt Edna’s questions about your nonexistent dating life is watching her grill your new significant other about their job, their family and how they got their teeth so white. Don’t worry. We’ve got you covered. If you’re the one who will be the guest at Thanksgiving dinner, make sure you bring a gift for the hostess. And if you’re not the guest, don’t tell your significant other not to bring a gift. Not even if you think your mother doesn’t need, or won’t expect, anything. It’s a nice gesture, and it makes a nice first impression. Wine is an obvious choice, but run it by your significant other to ensure you don’t embarrass yourself by bringing wine to a parent who is a recovering alcoholic or perhaps doesn’t drink for religious or other reasons. A great option sure to be a conversation starter? Something from your hometown, like locally-harvested honey or jam from locally-grown raspberries. You don’t have to pull out your tuxedo or an evening gown, but leave the graphic tee at home. Everything you’ve heard about first impressions are true, and you really don’t get a second chance at making a good first impression.