There s something about reality dating shows that we just can t get enough of. Maybe it s the schadenfreude-factor, but it s SO FUN watching people go out on really terrible, terrible dates. It makes us feel that all our terrible dates aren t nearly as bad! It also helps that reality producers put people in the most RIDICULOUS dating circumstances ever. Like VH6 s new show, which has two people going on dates with three different partners whilst completely naked. That s right – dating in your birthday suit. Think of it this way: if it doesn t work out, at least you ll have a really good tan without any tan lines!
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But isn t the craziest reality TV dating show we ve ever seen. In fact, there s at least 97 other totally crazy reality TV dating shows that we ve all watched. And we re not talking or either. We mean really CRAZY dating shows. Like ones where you re all chained together. Or ones where you re dating in a pitch black room. You know what makes dating REALLY fun? ! Having an obnoxious fifth wheel tag along on a double date and ruin everything. That was basically the premise of The Fifth Wheel, a dating show hosted by comedian Aisha Tyler. Each show starts by pairing 7 men and 7 women… until the big twist: a fifth, obnoxious person (or… the fifth wheel! ) joins the equation. Drama ensues. But really, the fifth wheel was pretty much a flat tire. —JAOh my god, this show was absolutely everything. Just from that title wordplay alone, you knew this was a brilliant, sloppy disasterpiece. So, Tila Tequila is bisexual. And she has male and female suitors. BUT NEITHER SIDE KNOWS SHE S BISEXUAL until the end of the first episode. Tricky, tricky. The thing is, Tila Tequila was so effing annoying that we actively rooted against her. But boy, did we have fun doing it. —JADouble the women, double the fun… right? HELL YA F*CKIN RIGHT, is right. Enter the Ikki Twins (Vikki and Rikki) — identical twin models. It s the same premise as the original Shot at Love, but both women were choosing from the same pool of male and female contestants. And in PERFECT Reality TV form, they both ended up picking the same dude. Sadly, he chose Vikki (for some distinguishing factor between the two women that we honestly couldn t tell you) and left Rikki heart broken. If that s not dating show gold, we just don t know what is. —JAThe most interesting thing about Age of Love was that it was hosted by Mark Consuelos.
Everything else about it was a complete disaster. TYPICAL. —DQOf all the bad dating shows, this one actually has a pretty clever premise. Twenty strangers live in a house together knowing that their “perfect match” is there too. This has been determined via extensive interviews with family members and friends, personality tests and professional matchmakers. The contestants are tasked to try and figure out which fellow contestant is their perfect match. In true dating show fashion, this leads to juicy drama and broken hearts galore. AKA dating show GOLD. –JAThe pitch went something like this. Um, so we need something to compete with The Bachelorette Okay, we ll find a hot girl and some hot guys and go from there? Nahh. Let s just cast a hot girl and then totally normal guys. Oh. Cool. Like The King of Queens. I get it. Yeah, and then halfway through the show, when she feels like she s actually falling for one of the dudes based on his personality, we ll bring in super hot guys and see how she does. Perfect. And if it goes well enough, we ll take one of the dudes and do a show around him! Are you sure people will watch more than one of these? Of course! Why wouldn t they? America is awful. I bet we can get four seasons out of this! That s crazy! There s no way people would watch this for four seasons? Oh we did. We did —DQBlind Date, or as it’s known now “the story of our lives thanks to a little thing called internet dating” was probably the most straightforward dating show concept on this list. Two strangers go on a date as cameras follow their every move. It was beautiful in its simplicity. No gimmicks.
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No gross challenges. Just awkward dating gone awry. WITH AMAZING CAPTIONS, OF COURSE. —JAIt s not surprising that Bravo went down the gay dating show path now. After all, it s BRAVO. But this was back in 7558, when the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy guys weren t anywhere in sight. So this is a super big deal. And it would have been more of a big deal if Bravo had actually cast the show with all gay men. Instead, they threw in a bunch of heterosexual men in there too. As a twist for leading gay bachelor James Getzlaff. If the final guy James choose was gay, they d both win cash and some crazy prize package. If the guy he chose was straight, the straight guy would win $75K and James would win nothing but a broken heart. Oh, and if that weren t enough, consider this: neither James nor any of the gay contestants even knew this twist was going down. A load of ish, right? Apparently, gay sexuality is SO FUN to make fun of. Can you say, Misstep by Bravo? Just when you started to think that dating shows couldn’t really get that ridiculous, that they’re all just good fun, may we remind you of the train wreck that was Chains of Love. This is the one show title that you HOPED wasn’t literal. NO. They cannot actually be chained together! That has to cross some kind of invisible dating show line, right? RIGHT? ? WRONG. One contestant was physically chained to four suitors for DAYS and had to choose a winner at the end of it all. The fact that no one was murdered in the making of this show is a small miracle. — JAHoly sh*t did we watch A LOT of Change of Heart back in the day. It was just that show that was always on when nothing else was on. You d be channel surfing, looking for something — anything — to watch. And then there d be Chris Jagger and these two moronic couples, talking about the dates they went on with other people and whether they wanted to stay together.
And next thing you knew, you were actually watching Change of Heart, not as background noise or anything, but literally on the edge of your seat being like, THERE S NO WAY THEY RE GOING TO STAY TOGETHER, IS THERE? And your mind would be blown EACH TIME, no matter what the outcome. Man. Those were the days. But seriously, another show about dating and whether or not to stay with your mate? Why do people go on TV to make these decisions? —DQIs there anything more romantic than a conveyor belt? Didn’t think so. But is there actually anything romantic about dating shows, DEFINITELY not. On this little gem, five women check out thirty men who literally pass them by on a gigantic conveyor belt. If you’re wondering why this sounds so familiar, it’s because it’s now called TINDER. —JADate My Mom had the most ridiculous premise ever: the single dater goes on dates with three moms who try and convince him/her to date their son/daughter. The dater then chooses which of the three he/she wants to date. The only good thing about the show was that every once and awhile, . Oh, that, and the obligatory run off into the sunset with the mother waving them goodbye. That was MONEY. —DQWe re not sure where to put the blame here. On the original Dutch show, or on the moronic ABC executive who thought it would be a good idea to bring this show over. Either way, watching people date in a pitch-black room is not at all fun. Especially when they got to know one another, and were super interested, and then turned the lights on and were like, nahhh, I m good. —DQAnother syndicated dating treat, but not nearly as enjoyable as Blind Date or say, Change of Heart. One contestant dates four contestants at the same time, and eliminates them one by one. The only thing it really had going for it was that as the day progressed, the dates got sexier and sexier. Like, it would begin with a day at the park. And by the final two, they were in the hot tub. Way fun. But oooooooh so trashy. —DQWe ve never understood people who talk to their exes. These people are exes for a reason! But going on a reality dating show and involving your ex?
That s just insane. And that s the premise behind EX-treme Dating. Two people go out on a blind date chaperoned by their ex-boyfriends/girlfriends. Said exes talk to the dater through an earpiece, guiding the conversation topic. At the end of the date, a limo shows up. If the dater is in the car, the two go on a second date paid by the show. If the ex is in the car, the ex wins a prize. Oh, and did we mention Jillian Barberie hosted this all? It s like they knew this was going to be a disaster from the get-go! —DQLet s just be real here: Flavor of Love was a great show. Watching Flavor Flav hand out clocks to a bunch of ratchet hos was one of the most joyous things we did each week. True story: Flav is THE BEST lead on any reality dating show there s EVER been. But he was funny and charming and completely in on the joke. Like, let s not forget he gave all the girls nicknames because he couldn t remember their real names! Pumpkin! Something! And of course, Queen New York. Man if only they did that ish on The Bachelor. Then we would FOR SURE watch. —DQAhh, the eternal conflict: love or money? That’s what NBC tried to tap into with For Love Or Money. Except, the thing is, when it comes to reality dating isn’t the answer ALWAYS MONEY? Like isn’t that the point of reality television? Anyways, one contestant has 66 suitors to choose from, but they have the opportunity to choose a cash prize over “love”. So yes, they all totally choose love — that is, a love affair with some BENJAMINS. Cha-ching! –JAThis VH6 show was a behind the scenes documentary of the making of Ray J’s sex tape with Kim Kardashian. PSYCH.
It’s just another terrible dating show.