Why He Disappeared Dating Coach Evan Marc Katz


You re not alone. This type of question has been sent to me hundreds of times and I want to write about this to help you and everyone with this type of situation. Actually, A New Mode s is only part of my business I also help guys with their dating questions. And believe it or not, I had a guy send me virtually this same question in hopes that I would discuss it at a speaking engagement. To answer your question, I want to quickly tell you what I cover in this article: Also, I highly recommend you take the following quiz to see why he s not texting you back. I also put a link to another quiz at the end of this article about how to understand your guy s texting style, so I recommend you take that one too. Over the course of the last decade and a half, texting has increasingly become a constant part of waking life.

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The Rules Revisited Know Why You Are Dating

For most people these days, it s tough to imagine waiting for something or sitting idle without checking your texts, social media, etc. He might be focused on something and have his phone off. Or, yes of course, he might not be all that into you in the first place and be fading away. And if so, do yourself a favor and let him go there are plenty of signs a guy isn t into you and it s a fruitless venture to think you re going to convince him he should be. So just to get that out of the way: When a guy likes you, it s obvious. No analysis or detective work needed and you don t need to put in effort for a guy who s into you to remain in contact with you. So if that s happening, you re probably looking at a guy who isn t all that into you at which point I would recommend you would cut things now and meet someone new. This is a slight tangent, but the vast majority of the problems we have with dating in our culture is how we view dating. Currently, the western world views dating as a process of impressing the other person. Which is foolish on two fronts: first it implies that the time to be impressive is only at the beginning and second it implies that another person should select you because you impressed them (and that you should select them because you found them impressive). The problem with this is that it fixates on you and the guy putting on a sort of performance for each other and an unsustainable one at that, in most case. Dating is not meant to be about impressing another person or being impressed. So to tie this tangent up letting a guy go who is already showing signs that he s not that into you early on well, you could be saving yourself a ton of time and heartache.

I m not saying that there aren t those rare cases where some disinterested guy inexplicably changes his tune and comes around it can happen in the same way a person could win the lottery or a tree could be struck by lightning but the odds are bad. The odds are much higher you ll waste a ton of time, youth and heart on chasing a guy who isn t interested, when you could be spending it with a guy who wants exactly what you want with you right now! So let s return to the subject at hand if a guy has stopped texting you all of a sudden, and it s a guy you ve been seeing for longer than, let s say, 7 weeks Sooner or later, this kind of thing is going to happen and now is as good a time as any to become comfortable with the idea of giving a guy space. The best way to think of text messages is this: If you he tells you, specifically, he s going to text you at a specific time for a specific reason, then it makes sense to expect him to do what he told you he s going to do. After all, he explicitly said he would! Outside of that, texting (in the view of most men) is an interruption to whatever we re doing at that moment. Now there might be those moments where you catch a guy in a chatty mood, but those are best viewed as the exception to the norm, not something to be expected. If you don t have the  expectation the men should text a lot or that men want to text a lot, you ll save yourself a lot of grief wanting something that, for the most part, goes against a man s nature. It is infinitely better than text messages, there s no room for misinterpretation or miscommunication like there is in the limited medium of texting and it takes the pressure off both of you. And if you need something urgently and immediately,   call him. Don t text. Things didn t used to be this way. There used to be moments of space mixed into our days, where we would just have to wait for things. We didn t have Candy Crush to play while sitting on the toilet.

Ask a Guy Why Did He Suddenly Stop Texting Me

We didn t have social media to check while gassing up our car. We didn t have stories to post while sitting in the doctors office. At most maybe there was a magazine to read or if you were at home, you might be on the phone with someone on a landline but there were many portions of the day where there was space to just be without doing something or reacting to something. The most sane thing you can do for yourself is to start bringing space into your life as much as possible. Stillness. Silence. Peace. And for your partner, allow them to have as much an opportunity for that as possible as well. Plain and simple: It is within moments of space where we are most able to connect with ourselves and the life within us. Our outer world of smartphones and social media is a constant stream of unending noise and a frantic freight train of activity to react to. Without space, it almost feels as though this constant activity is like a vortex that pulls us into it. We can get caught up in it, thinking about and reacting to the happenings streaming through our smartphone into our head. With the social aspect of social media, we might even find it very heard not to feed into the constant drama of it. Contrasted against that, we have a whole inner world that, for most people, remains largely unexplored.

Finding the still point of sanity that rests in the background behind the frantic insanity of the outer world and, more importantly, that rests even behind the chaotic and perhaps constant thoughts of your inner world. It is within this space this re-connecting with you where you recharge your batteries and re-connect to your own sense of OK-ness. It happens directly, through you and through you giving yourself space to be in touch with you (the you within). This is where you recharge your metaphorical batteries and this is where your partner does as well. They recharge their batteries. They become more calm inside. They re-center themselves. And, from that place of renewed inner clarity, they come back together with you and that improved inner state reflects itself outward in how they relate to you. It doesn t work that way. Make space a priority. Make your mood a priority. We all need space, although men relate to space and silence in a way that is different in character to the way women seem to relate to having space That s not to say that women in today s world don t need space in their own lives. They absolutely do. What I m saying is that, for men in particular, there s a part of our masculine soul that hungers greatly for pockets of time where we can be left completely alone not have to deal with anything or talk to anyone. With my male friends, there have been times where we hang out doing an activity and maybe say 65 words or less to one another over the period of many hours and if someone asked how it was hanging out with them, we d probably both say it was great.

Whether or not the guys you know have men in their lives they can hang out with without being unnecessarily chatty, the vast majority of men could relate to how this is possible. Most women I know would find the thought of sitting in silence with another woman for hours to be incomprehensible and not much fun. In addition to appreciating giving a guy space as a good thing, there s a lot to be said for how men experience space and time with other men. I would say the same thing for women spending time with other women. There is something to be said for enjoying and accentuating the polarities of your gender in who you spend time with. One thing I would encourage you to do, within your own space and inner self, is explore the reaction you re having to him not texting you back. In many cases, when someone doesn t text you back, it might stir up feelings of fear or worry that the other person has lost interest or is going to leave. Whether or not this is the case, your worrying isn t going to change what is true all it will do is drain you of energy If finding the inner space and stillness within you and living there is what recharges your batteries, then one might ask what drains your batteries? Other than the most basic functions of living, most people needlessly drain their energy and vitality being caught up in their head worrying about things wanting to get somewhere or do something or become more they spend all day looping, again and again, on thoughts Do these thoughts every lead to any positive outcome? Usually no. Or, as I ve said it in the past: Your mood becomes your vibe and your vibe will attract (or repel) love from you from every area of life. If you want to experience love coming to you from every area of life, easily and effortlessly then you ll want to improve your vibe which is to say, improve your mood (your inner state). And the path to repairing your mood isn t through feeding into more thought activity, but less. Reconnect with you, the silent field of consciousness behind your incessantly thinking mind.

You ll still have awareness of your mind s activities while you connect with the stillness within you you just won t mind it. You won t take it all that seriously or view it as anything important anymore.

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