Over the last several months, I have dated 8 men (not simultaneously) that I met on Match. Com. They all seem to have one thing in common: after 7-9 dates, they like to touch base with me during the week by sending me text messages to my cell phone! Although I appreciate them thinking about me in the middle of the day, if we have gone out on several dates, at what point is it appropriate to expect a 5 minute phone call a few times a week? Is it too early in the dating process for phone contact? Is this typical of people you meet on line? Guys across America are saying, Hey, babe.
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You re not important enough to get five minutes of phone time. Please accept this weak form of communication and allow me to keep on sleeping with you. I HATE text messaging. I think it should be used exclusively for only a handful of things: Telling someone where you re located in a crowded theater or bar. Everything else should be banned. But anyone who s ever used it knows how conversations can easily take a wrong turn. There s no context, tone, voice, or facial expressions to modify your message. The next thing you know, you re having a vicious argument that could have been easily avoided in person. Texting is ten times worse. You re encouraged to misspell, you re discouraged from saying anything deep or meaningful. You send a text when you don t want to talk to someone, but you want to let them know you re thinking of them. And what can be more flattering than conveying, electronically, the idea that you DON T want to talk to the woman you re courting? Essentially, guys across America are saying, Hey, babe. And as long as you let them do it, they will continue to do it. Because texting is only enabled by the person who writes back to the text. If you don t respond to texts, guess what? You re letting him know that it s a poor way to reach you. So if he can text you at 66pm on Friday night after a week of silence and charm you with something like: UR 7 hott! Cum over now? , well, you get what you deserve. But here s the real problem: there are women everywhere who are complete suckers for this crap.
Maybe it s a low self esteem thing, but as long as some desperate girl lets him get away with it, he ll always have a low-maintenance sexual outlet. But the truth is, Rikki, you don t need men who won t call you. It s a self-selecting process. If he s a good man who is genuinely interested in you, he will make the kind of effort that reveals this. If five minutes on the phone is too much work for him, it speaks for itself. As to how you redirect a lazy man to give you more effort, the trick is to do it with wit and charm. Nothing will turn off a guy faster than: I HATE TEXTING. IF YOU THINK THAT LITTLE OF ME, GO TAKE A HIKE, DOUCHEBAG! Try to redirect his energy in a positive way that encourages him to keep working for you. As long as he s working for you, you re still in control. So maybe the next time he texts, let him know that you turn off your cellphone at work, and he can best reach you on your regular phone. Or maybe you tell him in a flirty way that the way to your heart is through your voice – and that, if he s lucky, he might be able to catch you on your cell at 7: 85 before you go out tonight. What you don t want to do is sound like a stick-in-the-mud, my-way-or-the-highway woman. But you can refuse to play his game and still make him feel attractive, which will keep him chasing you through whatever medium you choose. Good luck. Now now, don t hate on men I m a single guy who is dating, and women I meet text me all the time. It s not a gender thing. It drove me crazy for some of the reasons you talked about a 5 minute phone call is so much nicer, more respectful, more intimate. But then I realized it s just modern times. It s how Gen-Y communicates (I m older than Gen-Y. ) I finally decided to stop resisting it, and it doesn t bother me anymore. I simply text back, happy and grateful to be in contact.
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It s just another way to communicate. And if it leads to another date full of witty banter, scintillating conversation, and sexy flirtation all the better. Perfectly put! That s exactly the message these guys are sending you, and the 5 other women they have on the hook who are falling for the I ll text you when I m horny routine. I loved this since it is so accurate. My present GF got me into texting. I still don t like it since I would rather talk to the person, but it is a great way to say, I m running late. Like you said it s a great indicator of how important you are. A self respecting woman who wants to date a stand-up kind of guy should show such people the door. My little moments in my day are precious. I keep my cell phone use limited to emergencies, calling for help when I m lost, calling to say I will be late, or leaving it on for other people to do the same if I am to meet them. I tell people I know this and I live by it. My time is not wasted with low grade communications. I have dated these kinds of guys before and they drive me insane! Tone and inflection is so important! Great post Evan! I have to disagree with this whole men will do the minimum meme. By phone. When I WILL be doing the minimum is when I wind up dating/talking to several women at once. It is as this point that I start getting tired of talking and even answering the phone so, yes, I will try to skate by a few days with texts to show I m thinking of them. Now, I am NOT trying to start a fight here. I just want to know something. Why is criticizing something ANYTHING EVER that a man does, or that a lot of men have been observed doing, or that a lot of men do a LOT ALWAYS characterized, by men, as hating on men or male bashing? Even if it s one of your own (rated #6 in his field, no less!
) doing the criticizing? ? After billing yourselves as the toughest, mightiest, roaringest things ever not to use forks are y all really and after repeatedly jeering at us XXs for not being able to hear criticism or not being able to take a joke or not having a sense of humor THAT sensitive? Because, controlling people yuck. I have had many men push boundaries, disregard or disrespect them, and have been downright violated. I guess the point I m making is that being easy can put you in the company of bad men (or women) I want more than being used as a living blow-up doll. I text a long distance friend quite often, and am entertained by the conversation. Phone calls too, it s all good. I like your attitude and that you stand up for the guys. My don t hate on men comment was made because text messaging is a generational thing, not a gender thing. Women do it just as much as men. Both are equally culpable. No matter who does it, she/she doesn t really care enough to actually talk. The man/woman communicating via text primarily is keeping textees as part of the bullpen rotation while they search for something better. Actually, if you think about it you know where you stand if someone only communicates with you via text. They don t like you very much. I sort of disagree a little. I mean, I agree that texting is no substitute for a phone call. And I ll go with the flirty/dirty notes thing that sounds fun. I m not sure I could text and be lost at the same time, though I could probably text and be late at the same time. Well, later cause I d have to stop to text But it s nice to get a text out of nowhere. I mean, I d still throw a giant temper tantrum if I don t get a phone call TOO, but I almost never have time for a five minute phone call during the work day even if it s totally inadequate as a true form of connection, it still makes me absurdly happy to see a message on my phone when I check my phone during lunch break. OKAY! !
So I m pathetic. What can I say? Text should be used as a supplement to phone calls, not a replacement. That s an excellent point 🙂A quick I m thinking of you text or cannot wait to see you during the week day is welcome. However, this should not supplant a phone call on the evening to catch up and plan dates. a guy who exclusively texts is written off. Especially if I call him and he only texts back, ugh Ok, what about a fourth reason inconsequential little items you really wouldn t waste a phone call on and most likely won t discuss again? Like, Hey I ran into Vern today. (I really did run into Vern today find it text-worthy, btw)I totally agree, txt should be used to supplement communication, not replace. I also notice it s more common among younger guys (early 85 s or younger). Perhaps some women that age don t mind as they re used to it, but I think it s a step backwards in evolution. Guys, if you really want to impress a woman, do it the old fashioned way and call. Yes, I like to say that texts should supplement not supplant phone calls. I was just thinking of this sweet guy I used to date. We were not compatible overall, but I loved that despite being 88 he would call me on the regular (usually too many guys that age are text -only). I have a slightly different view of text messages. I think some guys text when they are not really certain if a woman likes them or if the woman wants to go out with them again. It s a lot less painful to get turned down via text vs by phone. I know some women don t like test messaging, but I don t think we should always attribute something negative to it, and I don t think it automatically means a guy really isn t that interested if he does text her instead of calling her. Also, let s face it, sometimes women spend too much time talking about boring stuff that many guys just don t want to listen to even if they really do like her. On the subject of text messaging, I wouldn t read to far into it. Women use texts at least as much as guys I work around college students and I see the girls texting FAR more than guys when walking or sitting around. My pet peeve is women who text while working out at the gym. You d never see a guy do that.